Red vs blue and purple

Knock knock. Who's there? Pain.

Sarge and Grif are standing next to the Warthog which is now on its side behind Red Base. Lopez is crouched over it, repairing it. A socket wrench is heard in the background.

Grif: And then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock and Sabine agreed, but uh, well that's when the tank showed up and.. shit just started blowin' up. I don't know. (sighs)

Sarge: (exhales in exasperation) Grif, do you have any godly idea how much this piece of equipment costs?

Grif: I-I don't know, uh, like, uh, what.. ten, ten.. twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe? Uh, you-you're gonna kill me now, aren't you?

Sarge: Tell you what, Grif, I'm a fair man. I'll give you a ten-second head start here before I let Lopez do anything he wants to ya.

Lopez stops working and stands up to face Grif.

Grif: Guys, I just want you to know, I'm really, really sorry here, and-

Sabine: TELL SORRY TO MY BROKEN ARM YOU JERK!

Sabine comes out of the base with her arm in a sling. Lopez puts down his tool for a gun.

Sarge: I'll let Sabine do anything she wants too. Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi.

Grif: (backing away) Okay, uh, I guess I better get going then.

Lopez, Sabine and Sarge look at each other then turn and start firing at Grif off screen.

Grif: Hey guys, that's not funny! Somebody could get hurt here.

Cut to the top of Blue Base where Tucker is standing next to Tex who is firing at something.

Tucker: That's basically it, sir. They have five guys over there, a really hot chick and a big jeep.

Tex: And your flag. (reloads)

Tucker: Right, that too.

Tex throws a grenade at something.

Tucker: Uh, hey, Tex? I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here.

Camera pans, showing Tex has been firing "at" Caboose, there were scorch marks around him and he was trembling slightly.

Caboose: I'm scared.

Tex starts looking over various weapons. Caboose runs up to Tex and Tucker.

Tucker: So, you've got the Special Forces black armor, I see. Were you in the Special Forces at some point?

Tex: (looks at Tucker while reloading a gun)

Tucker: Yeah, I used to have black armor too. It was black because I got this stuff all over it from th-

Tex runs off as Tucker and Caboose watch him.

Tucker: Oh, okay, you gotta go? I'll see you later.

Caboose looks at him.

Caboose: (whispering loudly) I don't think he likes you.

Tucker: ...Thanks.

Tucker and Caboose run up to the edge of the base.

Tucker: Where are you going?

Tex: Red Base. Kill everybody. Get the flag back.

Caboose: Oh... Okay! We'll just stay here and guard the trans.. porter...

Cut to Grif on top of Red Base talking to Simmons and Sabine.

Grif: So, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed, probably because SOMEBODY didn't believe in it.

Sabine: That doesn't sound like Sarge.

Simmons: Bullshit. He told me he thought you were a retarded monkey, and he's gonna suspend your weapon privileges.

Sabine: Now that sounds like Sarge.

Donut looks at them.

Donut: Hey, since I captured the flag, d'ya think they'll give me my own color armor now?

Simmons: What do you mean "captured"? You thought you were buying it at the store, you idiot.

Sabine: May I remind you that you two caused it.

Donut: Still, you think there's a shot?

Simmons: Maybe they'll give you Grif's armor, since he destroyed the Warthog.

Grif: Hyeah, heh-wait... You don't.. You don't think they'd do that, do you?

Sabine: I'm sure they won't. If you'll need me, I'm gonna take a nap and rest my arm.

Sabine leaves for her room as the camera Cuts to Sarge watching Lopez fix the Warthog. A socket wrench is heard in the background.

Sarge: Try connectin' that hose to that metal thingy there.

Lopez stands up.

Sarge: I think that's what's makin' that rattle.

Lopez turns and faces Sarge.

Sarge: I think I'll let you do it.

Lopez returns to work. Invisible Tex runs behind Sarge, he turns around feeling something weird.

Sarge: What the...? What was that?

Cut to Grif.

Grif: Simmons, what's going on? What's over there?

Simmons: (looking over the edge of the base) I thought I saw something for a second.

Camera pans down to reveal invisible Tex, then cuts back to Grif.

Grif: Hey rookie, tuck the flag some place safe until we can figure out what's goin' on.

Donut: Good idea. I was sick of carrying this thing anyway. (drops the flag into the middle of the base)

Cut to Tex, then to Grif and Simmons looking off the edge of the base.

Simmons: Did you hear that?

Grif: Yeah.

Donut: (whispering) Hey! What's going on?

Cut to Tex who throws a plasma grenade, then cut to Grif and Simmons from behind. Grif turns around.

Grif: What the hell?

Cut to Donut who has the plasma grenade stuck to his helmet.

Donut: What?

Simmons: (turns around) What is that thing?

Donut: (concerned) What thing?

Grif: There's somethin' on your head.

Donut: What, is it a spider? Get it off!

Simmons: No, it's not a spider, it's, like a.. blue thing.

Donut: What, like a blue spider? Get it off!

Grif: It's not a spider! Calm down. It's some kinda.. fuzzy, pulsating thing.

Donut: That doesn't sound much better than a spider.

Simmons: Does it hurt?

Donut: No.

Simmons: Maybe we should try to take it off.

Grif: Good idea. Go for it.

Simmons: Me? By "we" I meant "you". Asshole.

Donut: Well somebody needs to get it off. Look, it might be dangerous.

The grenade explodes.

Grif and Simmons: Son of a bitch!

Fade to black with sounds of people being hit.

Grif: Sim- Where'd he go?

More sounds of people being hit.

Grif: Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!

Just when Sabine closed her eyes she heard an explosion and groans in annoyance.

Sabine: Oh, what did those idiots do now?