Red vs blue and purple

Points of origin

Tex, together with Church, Tucker, and Caboose, is standing outside Blue Base.

Tex: As far as I'm concerned, I'm square with you. Please give me a reason to stay.

Caboose and Tucker simultaneously turn to face Church.

Church: I saved you from a life of imprisonment. How the hell are you square with me?

Caboose and Tucker simultaneously turn to Tex.

Tex: Because I didn't kill you back at Sidewinder.

Caboose and Tucker turn back to Church.

Church: You know, I don't really see how not killing somebody is the same thing as doing them a favor.

Caboose and Tucker turn to Tex.

Tex: Well, if you don't appreciate it, I could just kill you right now.

Church: No, you can't! I'm already dead, bitch! I guess the joke's on you!

Caboose looks at them

Caboose: (upset) Stop it! Stop fighting. Can't you see that you're tearing us apart? WHAT ABOUT US?

Tex raises an eyebrow at that.

Tex: What about you?

Caboose: We helped you too. And what do we get? Nothing!

Tex: Well yeah, but... damn, he comes up with a better reason then you Church.

Church: Yeah, but nothin'. He's got a point.

Tex: I did help them get the flag back.

Tucker looks at her.

Tucker: Yeah, but you were paid to do that. We rescued you as a favor. We could have just let you rot in the Red Army prison, it wouldn't have made any difference to us.

Tex: Fine, I'll stay here as long as it takes to help you guys win this thing. As soon as I have, I'm outta here. What do you need me to do?

Tucker shrugs.

Tucker: I have no idea. If you knew how to fix a tank, I would have you do that.

Tex: ...Okay.

Caboose stares at her surprised.

Caboose: Wait, you-you know how to fix Sheila? ...I love you.

Cut to Lopez.

Lopez: Entonces le decía "tu no pesas más, yo peso más." Entonces pusimos nuestros cuerpos sobre la escala y determinamos quién tenía el peso más grande. Después de eso me llamé a mi mismo Lopez La Pesado.[Then I would say "you don't weigh more, I weigh more." So we put our bodies on the scale and determined who had the greatest weight. After that I called myself Lopez the Heavy.]

Sabine: Thats a very interesting story Lopez.

Grif: Man. First he doesn't talk at all, and now we can't get him to shut up. What's he saying?

Simmons: What're you asking me for?

Grif: Well, you know, because you're of, uh, a Latino persuasion.

Simmons: Simmons isn't a Spanish name, you dumbass. I'm Dutch-Irish.

Grif: But I thought-

Simmons: What?

Grif: Eh, never mind.

Sabine: You sure Grif?

Grif: Yep.

Donut looks at them back and forth before smiling.

Donut: ...I'm from Iowa.

Grif, Sabine and Simmons: Nobody cares!

Cut to Tucker and Caboose sneaking up behind Sheila.

Church: Okay, take it easy guys. When I was over at the Red Base, I saw that they've already got their jeep fixed. So whatever you do, don't let 'em see us before we get Sheila back online.

Caboose: Okay, okay. Even if we get Sheila fixed, how are we going to turn her over? I mean it's not as if we could just lift-

In the background, Tex flips Sheila back over. Caboose turns around hearing the noise.

Caboose: Oh. She is a very strong lady.

Caboose turns back around.

Church: I'm the one that's the least visible, so I'm gonna head up here to higher ground. I'll keep an eye on the Red Base. If I see anything, I'll let you know.

Caboose: Great, I'll come with you!

Church: That kinda defeats the purpose, Caboose.

Caboose: Okay. What if I'm really... (softer) really... (whispering) quiet?

Church: Do you even understand what the term "visibility" means?

Caboose: Ah hah hah, uhh.... good one, Church.

Church: Seriously. You don't know what it means, do you?

Caboose: Uh, no...

Church: Caboose, just stay here, man, and try not to swallow your tongue or anything like that.

Tucker: Just watch the Red Base, and tell us if you see any movement.

Church walks away as Tucker runs up to Tex who is welding on the tank.

Tucker: So, I suppose if you're helping us, you're not as mean as I thought.

Tex: (stops to face Tucker) I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just get hired to do mean things and someone would say that I'm nice.

Tucker: Yeah, but you like it.

Tex: Well, I think it's important to enjoy what you do.

Tucker: So let's say I payed you to kill Caboose. (looks at Caboose) You would still do it, right? Even though you're supposed to be helping us?

Tex: Is this a hypothetical discussion, or should we start talking numbers?

Tucker gets uncomfortable at this.

Tucker: Yeah, I don't wanna talk about this any more.

Church is up on the ledge where he was killed. He looks down and looks at Tucker.

Church: Hey, Tucker!

Tucker looks up at him.

Tucker: What?!

Church: What the hell is my body still doing up here?

Tucker: That's part of being dead, Church. Your body doesn't really move around much any more. Maybe you haven't fully grasped the concept yet.

Church: Alright, well let me rephrase that then: Why in the hell haven't you buried my body yet?

Tucker: Buried? With what? All we have are pistols and rifles. What do you want me to do, shoot you a grave?

Church: Well then how about shipping me back home? You know, let the loved ones pay a little respect.

Tucker: Well Church, here's your girlfriend. Tex, as one of Church's loved ones, would you like to pay your respects?

Tex looks at him then turns around and starts working on the tank again.

Tucker: That was a stirring eulogy. Rest in peace, good buddy!