Red Vs Blue w/ Purple - The Blood Gulch Chronicles

Chapter 2 - The Rookies

oh my god only chapter 2 and it's late
________________________________________________
Alice's Pov
Blue Base

I find the room I'm looking for, and it's pretty ordinary except for a set of dark blue armor (think cabooses armor.) I put the armor on and go to look for some paint because regulation blue armor looks like shit. After I fully get the armor on, I put my old armor where the blue armor was before.
After I do that. I hear that pervert in the aquamarine armor talking about my ass. So I go up the ramp and punch him hard in the arm
Tucker : "How the hell did she hear that"
I start walking away when the cobalt one, who I would assume to be named Church, told me to come back and said "We need you to help us. We saved you, but we could've left you to die in the rubble of your crashed ship."

Cut to a few days later.
Red Team
Simmons: "Hey, that's not exactly what happened"

Grif: "Yes it is. You said I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant, then the next thing I know, you're in an escape pod headed t-"

??: "Excuse me, Sirs?"

Grif: "Ah crap"

??: "I was told to report to Blood Gulch outpost number 1 and speak to whoever's in charge."

Grif: "Sorry man, Sarge is at command getting orders, ain't nobody in charge today."

Simmons :"Actually Private, he left me in charge while he was gone."

Grif: "You are such a kissass, aren't you."

Simmons: "He told me if I had any problems from you, he told me I should (in the worst sarge impression possible) get in the warthog and crush your head like a tomato can."

Grif: "That's the worst impression I've ever heard."
Simmons: "Ok rookie, what's your story?"

Donut: "Private Donut reporting for duty sir, ready to fight some ailens."

Grif: "Couple things here rookie. first off, Private Donut? looks like someone needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?"

Donut: "This is the standard issue red."

Grif: Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer.

Donut: (looking at Simmons) Well, he's wearing red armor.

Simmons: No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red.

Donut: Well, how do I get a different color armor?

Simmons: I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap.

Blue Team
3rd Person

Caboose: So I say to the guy, "How're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship," and I go, "If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"

Alice: That would be pretty smart.

Tucker: Hey, kid.

Caboose: Yeah?

Tucker: You're ruining the moment. Shut up.

Caboose: Oh. Okay. You got it man!

Alice: Oh don't listen to Tucker, rookie.

Church: You know what? I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing.

Red Team

Still in 3rd person.

Simmons: Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal.

Grif: I just refuse to call him Private Donut!

Simmons: We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?

Donut: Absolutely!

Simmons: We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease.

Grif: Yeah and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma too.

Donut: The what?

Simmons: He means the Warthog.

Grif: You do know where the store is, right, Rookie?

Donut: What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem.

Simmons: Well, get going then.

Donut starts going towards the canyon wall.

Grif: Other way.

Donut turns around and goes the other way.

Donut: I knew that. Just got turned around that's all.

They watch Donut run off.

Simmons: How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?

Grif: I say... at least a week.

Donut runs through the Gulch, stops, and turns to talk to himself.

Donut: Elbow grease... How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sergeant.

Blue base.

Tucker: You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece.

Church: Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks?

Tucker: Church, women are like Voltron: The more you can hook up, the better it gets.

Alice kicks Tucker in the Balls

Alice: You're gross.

Donut's POV

"Finally, there it is. Oh sweet, They sell tanks!