I'll Be Okay (C.M.B)

Chapter 40 - A Kiss

Tension filled the air that night. The dinner table ended up being Corbyn, Jonah, Matt, my sons, and I. The room was filled with men who had cheated on me but were still in love with me.
Matt had insisted on seeing Carter more, so who was I to pry him away from his biological son. I had allowed him over to eat with us, play with Carter, and do his night time routine with him. It was also the first time he had seen Rocky.

Dinner conversation consisted of purely Carter and Rocky. Absolutely nothing else was discussed. I was certain that Carter could sense the tension, but he continued to lead everyone in a special play time with him directly after dinner. It was possible that I had normalized two dads for him, both of which his mother was no longer even affectionate with.

Matt had reached the point where I felt really comfortable that he could be with Carter alone and not kidnap him back, so after dinner I let him take Carter out for ice cream. Corbyn and Jonah choose to stay back with Rocky and I simply because the agony that awkward silence would be.

When Matt left with Carter, the three of us just talked casually. There wasn't much to do besides tend to Rocky whenever he needed something, so we ended up turning the TV on. Rocky and I sat between both Corbyn and Jonah. Neither cared about how close they were to me and how their hands were touching my outer thighs. I tried my best to ignore it and focused on the program.

It was like a savior when Matt burst in with Carter.

"No bath tonight, get right into those pajamas. Daddy will be right with you, we'll read three whole books! Then I gotta leave, sounds good Car?" He spoke putting him down out of his arms.

"Yessss," Carter cheered running into his room and coming back out in little baseball pajamas.

All of us hyped him up and then the two went into Carter's bedroom. I had decided that at that point, it was also my turn to sleep. I put Rocky down into his crib and then proceeded to get into bed. For the third time in a row, I would not be getting any sleep because of the new baby, so any amount I could get was enough.

I woke up in the middle of the night to see Jonah laying besides me. It was odd to feel a little melancholy about this being the last night. Jonah and I didn't even do anything, we simply just slept together. The room was silent for once. There was no crying baby, no screaming toddler, and no adult men speaking to each other. It felt like an out of body experience while I walked over to use the bathroom. 

When I returned to the room, Jonah was sitting up on his phone. 

"Feeling okay?" Jonah asked. 

"Yeah, I'm great. What about you? Why are you up?" I questioned. 

"Just couldn't sleep," Jonah answered, "A little sad to be leaving today though, it's fun hanging out with you and the boys. I'm still excited to see my family though, Svea's excited for me to take her out for milkshakes." 

"You know, Carter's never even have had one before," I mentioned. It was true. He was two years old and the amount of times I've had a milkshake in the last two years was rare. 

"No way, if only I could take you guys with me," Jonah teased, "The milkshakes back in Stillwater are amazing. Definitely, let me give Carter his first introduction to milkshakes." 

"Of course I'll let you give his first introduction, you better come back though," I smiled. 

"I plan on it," Jonah smiled back, "I'd miss seeing your beautiful face." 

"Jonah-" 

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't really.... I shouldn't have said that. Let's just-" 

"Jonah," I interrupted him.

"Yea?" He asked. 

We looked each other in the eyes. The silence in the room was seemingly gone. We could hear each other heavily breathing. I had remembered the statement he had made earlier about his octopus eyes, it was true. Today, they were a bright green but his pupils overshadowed the color. 

We were the closest we've ever been before despite having shared a bed together for the past few days. I looked down at his lips and back up at his eyes. 

Before he knew it he was asking another question, "Emma, can I kiss you?" 

"Yes," I blurted out. 

We kissed. It was one of the longest kisses I've ever had in my life time without anything more. When we pulled away, we continued to gaze into each other's eyes. Both of us knew about the problems that this could potentially cause, but in that moment we didn't care. I knew in that moment that I had completely picked the wrong boy and that I would be stuck with that decision for the rest of my life. 

We laid in bed and I rested my head onto his chest. I stared at the tattoo on his chest and traced my fingers against it. He looked down at me and smiled. 

"Initials of my family," He explained without me asking. 

"Hm, I gotta do the same thing," I thought out loud, only thinking about my two boys.

I stayed in his arms and we shared a comfortable silence. Jonah kissed me again and then gave me a few more on my forehead. 

"Jonah. This- you and I both know this could never turn into anything. Right?" I questioned. 

He frowned for a second but then he looked at me with a half-hearted smile. 

"I know," Jonah answered, "Doesn't mean we can make most of the time we have alone together." 

That's when Rocky began to cry. Our intimate moment was ruined by the son that I had with Corbyn. It was definitely a sign that whatever we had should not pursued.