Pirouette [h.s.]

chapter 29

// ...these things take forever,

I especially am slow,

But I realize that I need you. //

"First Day Of My Life" -Bright Eyes

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"Bee, let's do your stretches, baby." Harry calls out, wandering out into the living room where I'm sitting on the couch next to Nate.

Once Nate was released from the hospital, Harry insisted that I stay with his family. He nearly pleaded trying to convince me, but I was already sold. He didn't know about the water main break at the time - his only reasoning was that he wanted to help while I still couldn't put weight on my leg. The minute I told him about the flooding, he wouldn't take no for an answer. It never was an answer, anyway.

After talking to Luna, she helped me gather my belongings from her apartment and happily passed me off on a silver platter. I wanted to explain - to tell her that I loved staying with her, that Harry just feels...right, that I can't tell him no - but she didn't need to hear it. She understood. Just like I knew she would.

That, and she's probably happy to have Tate over without my rattling third wheel.

Harry's been so sweet ever since, massaging the swelling down every night, making sure I do the physical therapy exercises, doting on my every need like a fucking maid. His forgiveness astounds me; endless generosity and gentle warmth pouring out of his skin.

We drove to the bridge the day after Nate's seizure, Harry helping me to hobble to a picnic bench nearby, and talked. Laid everything on the table, exposed to the light. All of the deep, penetrating fear; the doubts, hurt, timidness.

"I'm not mad at you for saying what you said, Bee." he had reassured me, reaching across the paint-chipped tabletop to take my hand.

I shook my head, "But you should be."

"You didn't mean it, it just came out of anger and panic. I can't hold that over you when I reacted the same way." his eyes were fixed onto mine, green grass poking through birds-eye clouds.

"I didn't mean it." I reaffirmed, squeezing his fingers.

He nodded, smiling, "Bee, you've gotta let go of the guilt. Give yourself some forgiveness." I watched his shoulders shake gently with a laugh, "Honestly, you didn't even say anything that bad. You couldn't bring yourself to even say his name."

"But-"

"No." he squeezed back, tight, "I already forgave you. Forgive yourself, too, pretty baby." Harry gave me a pointed look, one that dug deep in my chest, "For everything." I felt my eyes burn with tears. He always knows what I'm thinking, somehow. "You are not the reason you are hurt. Understand me?"

I nodded. I wanted to fight against his words, but I couldn't. He wouldn't have stood for it.

"I'm going to help you every step of the way, but I need you to let me help you. Doesn't make you weak; doesn't make you less independent. It just means you're taking my support. Yeah?"

"I'll try." I squeaked out, feeling wide open and shaky. So, I diverted the conversation, "What about you? How are you feeling about Nate?"

He nodded, as if to confirm that he knew what I was doing, but he answered anyway, "Okay, now, I think. Y'know, the seizures don't freak me out that much anymore, but I was real fucking scared when he was having trouble breathing. Something sparked inside of me - all of that fear like the first time he had one."