Red vs blue and purple

Red vs. Bleu

The Reds and Blues are not shooting at each other. Sarge is addressing Church.

Sarge: We are giving you a chance to surrender!

Grif: There's no way this bluff is gonna work.

Sabine looks at him.

Sabine: Shut it.

Sarge glares at him.

Sarge: Put a cork in it, Fast Eddie. There's positively no way they know we're outta ammo.

Cut to the Blues.

Church: Yeah, they're definitely outta ammo... (yells back) What're your terms?!

Tucker looks at him confused.

Tucker: Their what?

Cut to the Reds. Grif looks at Simmons confused.

Grif: Our what?

Simmons: I can't believe this is actually working. See if we can get Lopez back, Sarge.

Grif: Oh yeah. 'Cause then he can fix the Warthog.

Sabine: Mhm.

Donut: Oo oo, Sarge - tell them we want the flag.

Grif: Yeah, and some cake!

Donut: Ooh... Wait wait Sarge, just the cake.

Sarge: Alright, Blues! First off! We want your flag-!

Simmons then realizes something.

Simmons: Wait wait wait just a second. The last time we got the flag, the chick in the black armor showed up.

Sarge pauses in realization.

Sarge: ...to stay right where it is! Keep the flag! But we do want our mechanized droid guy back!

Church freezes at that.

Church: Uh oh.

Sarge: You may know him as Señor El Roboto!

Cut to the Blues. Tucker looks at Church curiously.

Tucker: Well, Church, what's it gonna be?

Church looks at him.

Church: Chingado, no way. I'm not giving back my body. I just got this thing.

He turns back to the Reds.

Sarge: And don't think you can keep his nuts! Or bolts, or other mechanical parts you may have!

Church: Uh.. Uh, he's not here any more!

Tucker: Yeah, he left! He was all like "Sayonara!" and then he just took off!

Church: That's not Spanish you idiot, that's French. Let's try this: Hey, Reds! How about a medic?! Would you take a medic as a hostage?!

Doc looks at him confused.

Doc: A hostage? But I'm supposed to go over there.

Cut to the Reds.

Simmons: Meh, that sounds pretty good to me.

Sabine: But we don't need a medic. My arm is all healed.

Grif: I don't know, I think we can hold out for more.

Simmons: We don't have any bullets, dumbass.

Grif: Oh, right. Take the medic. The medic's a good deal.

Sabine: Moron.

Cut to the Blues. Church looks at Doc with caboose behind him.

Church: Hey, Doc. How's the patient?

Doc: Doing well. He seems very alert and responsive.

Tucker looks at Church

Tucker: (mutters) He's talking about Caboose, right?

Church: No, I mean his toe. How's the toe I shot?

Doc: What, that thing? That fell off like half an hour ago.

Caboose: (sad) Rest in peace, pinkie toe... (in O'Malley voice) You shall be avenged!

Doc: (sighs) Tell you what... Go ahead and send me over. I really don't think I can be any more help.

Church turns back to the Reds.

Church: Okay! We're gonna send over our medic! Now what do we get?!

Simmons: You?! You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!

Tucker: We've already got that! What else do you have?! Oh! Send the girl over! Whoa!

Sabine had shot at Tucker at his feet with her magnum.

Sabine: Huh, I guess I had one more bullet after all.

Sarge: What do you want?! Other then Sabine!

Church: How about if you admit that the Red Team sucks?!

Simmons mutters something to Sarge and he mutters for a moment. He looks back at the blues with a grin.

Sarge: What if we admit that one of us sucks?!

Grif: NICE. Wait, you mean Donut, right?

Sabine: This is karma for forgetting the bullets.

Screen blacks and shows "two hours later" in white letters, then returns to the Blues.

Church: Okay then! We agree to the terms?! You first, and then we send over the medic!

Grif was out in the open with the others behind him.

Sarge: Get on with it, Grif.

Sabine: (mutters) I am so recording this.

Sarge: You better send me it.

Sabine: You got it.

Grif: (grunting sigh) I would just like to let everyone know.. that I suck!

Church: And?!

Grif: And that I'm a girl!

Church: What else!?

Grif: And I like ribbons in my hair! And I want to kiss all the boys!

Sarge: This may be the best surrender of all time.

Sabine: (snickers)

Simmons looks at the blues.

Simmons: Okay, is that good enough?!

Church: Yeah! (turns to Doc) Alright, go ahead Doc.

Doc runs over to the Reds. Grif looks at him as he gets to them.

Grif: Man, I really hope you're worth this.

Doc: Can I ask you a question? Do they put something in the water here?

Grif: Water? We ran outta water six months ago.

Doc: No water.. Then what do you drink?

Grif: Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy, the usual.

Sarge stands next to Grif and looks at Doc.

Sarge: I only drink the blood of my enemies. And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or a Sarsaparilla. Grenadine, straight from the can. Deeelicious. ...Oh, occasionally I do enjoy a 'Sex on the Beach.' Or a piña colada. (singing) If you like piña coladas, hengh! Gettin' caught in the rain, hengh! And you're not in to yoga, engh! Grif just has half a brain, ungh.

Sabine: I have a stash of apple juice.

Reds: WHAT!?!