Hold Me Now

Chapter 49: Feeling Emotions

When life crushes you from all sides, who can you count on to watch over you when you stumble and fall? When life crushes you from all sides, who will give you the strength to face tomorrow? When life comes rushing at you who will you choose to face it with? Life will always rush at you and try to crush you from all sides. But when it does will you have someone to give you the power to face it head-on? 

Johnny lay in his hospital bed, trying to understand his condition. It's not easy. He was crushed in body and now a little in spirit. He's on day two of rest. The doctor told him "The only thing you need to do is rest." This rest means no thinking and no physical activity. No thinking. Ha! How can he not think? When you're lying here doing nothing all you can do is think. Rest means no TV either. It all sucks and he hates it. 

There is no good thing about this. What makes it even suckier are his moods. They constantly change throughout the day. They're always at opposite ends of the spectrum, either angry or weepy. There's no in-between. His moods don't swing. They bounce, swivel, rebound, pivot, kick, jump, skip, run, crawl, and strike. He needs a sign to hang that says Caution: Mood Swings In Progress. But the crying part...

He's never been a huge crier. Now he's a weepy cry baby. In fact just this morning, he grew so frustrated with laying here he started crying. Ava, bless her, handles his moods perfectly. She's been so patient and comforting. She hasn't gotten tired of his drama yet. He owes her big time. 

Today the doctor is starting him on cardio for thirty minutes. The nurses are coming to get him and taking him to ride a stationary bike. Dr. Mertaw explained, "Exercise, for thirty minutes a day, will increase your chances of healing properly." Which he wants. He wants to heal properly and quickly so he doesn't have to lie around going nuts. Dr. Mertaw went on to say "A stationary bike, or an elliptical machine, are ideal for getting your blood pumping without making the concussion worse."

This got him thinking, which he's not supposed to do. But he did anyway. Cardio, nothing strenuous, blood pumping, heart rate up, healing ... Another kind of exercise popped into his mind. He took one look at his wife, who is still listening to the doctor like the good girl she is. Quality time with Ava could be a good thing, a healing thing. 

As soon as the doctor left, he told her as much. She point blank said "No. You don't need to engage in anything overly taxing. And if somehow you threw your head back, or bumped it, I'd never forgive myself for it." She effectively threw cold water on that idea. That's when his crying started up again.

No TV, no thinking, no quality time with his wife, no nothing. It all sucks! Then he was besieged by tears. Tears, lots of tears were shed. He wept out words. "But I want to have fun. All I can do is lie here and eat crappy hospital food. And the food has no salt." Then he started crying over the lack of salt.

Ava declared "I'm glad you have no salt. The way you shake it on everything, you're cruising for high blood pressure." Her words were not comforting. It did not help his crying state because he started crying over the fact he's crying.

"I hate crying. I HATE crying in front of people, cause I feel weak. I want to tell myself Quiet! But I can't. And what if I'm now a habitual crier? What if I'm a cry baby and it won't ever change? That sucks so hard," he sobbed. 

Ava was torn between laughing and feeling sorry for him. The doctor told her this will eventually go away "Just be patient with him." She remembers her mother's words about patience. "Patience is a sign of love. Anyone can say I love you, but not everyone can be patient and prove it's true." So, she waits. She waits for his crying fits to pass and his angry fits too, and all the moody fits in between.