break ups aren't easy.
a bond is severed, and although it's whats right, it cuts a piece of you. it slashes at your heart, a knife digging in deep and opening up a gash. the blood rushes out, and a bleeding heart drains.
break ups are like laying in bed, tossing and turning, your mind never asleep. thoughts corrode your brain, cracking your skull and leaving you with a pounding headache at midnight when you just want to sleep. you're tired, so so tired. and when you do fall asleep, you wake up every hour. you check your phone, expecting a text from them even though you know there won't be. and it hurts every time the screen is clean of notifications.
and then you think, "i did this."
break ups are like waking up the next morning with no motivation. the thought of getting out of bed to simply go to the bathroom seems impossible. the only reason why you drag yourself out of bed is because you were in so much pain from having to pee, but even that was ignored for an hour before it became too much. and then afterwards, going straight back into bed. you lay there in the dark, thinking and thinking and thinking. did i do the right thing? did i make a mistake? this was right for me, wasn't it? but it hurts so much.
especially when there's still no texts on your phone from them.
and you think, "i made this decision. i have to deal with it."
break ups are like being called downstairs at 10:30am with a pit in the bottom of your stomach. it's seeing the wrapped present on the table and wanting to run back upstairs and wish you never got out of bed. you open it with a heavy heart and as the paper rips, you heart does as well. because you open it and inside is your christmas gifts— all things you like. besides it was the drawing that you guys made together. and it hurts. it hurts so much. and the note that came with it left off with "i hope you find what you're looking for. merry christmas and happy new year."
the tears fall and they fall and they fall and your mom wraps you up in a hug but you just want to stop time for a moment. you want to stop everything. everything needs to stop.
and then you think, "i did this. i have to deal with the consequences of this decision."
and so you text and you say your farewells.
break ups are like getting picked up by your friend on a bright, cloudy white day. it's going to starbucks and getting a super sugary drink to make you feel somewhat better. it's talking about what happened in the car while trying to ignore all of the streets and intersections that remind you of him. the memories that now come with these streets will plague your mind and it hurts because it's so so raw and you just want to forget but you don't ever want to forget at the same time. your heart aches as you drive down the street you and him frequented. it's having your friend tell you that this was what was best.
but you question that. you question yourself.
and you think, "i made this decision."
break ups are like coming back home and having your mom treat you like glass. she looks at you with sympathy, and asks you gentle prodding questions that make you want to scream. you understand why, and you bite them back, but it's so hard when you feel so much. so you sit on the couch with her and you play her a song and she asks questions and you dodge, sometimes you answer, and then you go upstairs and lay back in bed. you felt better when you were out, but now alone again, your faced with the emptiness.
and you think, "i have to deal with this. it was my decision."
break ups are like going into work with the nauseating smell of chinese food wafting through the air. it's having the business of work drive your mind on a different road. taking phone calls, placing orders, putting on a perfected facade of customer service. and then. a customer comes in and you have a funny interaction with them. an interaction that made you think, "oh i need to tell him about this!" and then you realize. "oh".
