Carmen Sandiego Oneshots

"And I Keep Thinking" Self-Indulgent Christmas Reflection

Description:

While waiting to open presents on Christmas day, Player and Carmen have a talk about the past.

(set in ambiguous time-frame between Dark!Carmen being stopped and Carmen leaving)

"Do you ever think about how far we've all come?"

Carmen startles from her place at the kitchen table, nearly banging her arm into the poor, defenseless gingerbread house and almost spilling her hot chocolate. She manages to stop herself from both, though just barely. "Player-" Carmen calls, warningly," You need to announce your presence."

"Nah." The hacker replies, infinitely smug," Aren't you going to open presents soon, anyway? I'm gonna' be on-call for that."

"You mean 'on-call to watch Ivy and Zack go insane.' " She lifts her hot chocolate back up, taking a sip before adding," You spoil them."

"Says the woman who begged me for a new coat."

Carmen's lips turn up into a smile, her best friend lifting her spirits more than Ivy's – admittedly wonderful- hot chocolate ever could. "Fine, fine, I give in." She shakes her head in fond exasperation," What'd you mean, though? This isn't our first Christmas together."

A sigh, Carmen pauses.

Briefly, she wonders if Player is thinking the same. Not our first Christmas, just the first one since...

"I know," She hears the familiar sound of a gentle thump, thump, Player's fingers drumming against his desktop," I've just been thinking- reflecting, actually."

"About?" To quiet the worry building in her stomach, Carmen takes another sip, allowing the warmth to offer comfort.

"All of us."

For a few moments, while Carmen thinks of a response, Player begins to elaborate," I just- we've all come so far, right? And there were so many times where I thought-" The tapping stops, but Carmen can hear Player getting choked up, struggling with his words," - That we just wouldn't make it, wouldn't survive what was happening like- well..." like when you nearly... when Coach Brunt attacked you, or when you were in Egypt."

"That..." Carmen stalls, taking a drink, her cup is almost empty... "That was scary. I still remember how terrified Julia was, especially when I pulled out that sword." She swirls the liquid around," Really thought Cleo and the cleaners were gonna' start a duel."

"That was gay panic, Carmen."

Carmen very nearly chokes. Distantly, she registers the sound of Player's laughter, a welcome sign- though it comes out dry and tired. "That wasn't- she's not-"

"Women and swords! Literally." Carmen can hear her hacker's little smirk- right before it dies. "But uhh.. this felt impossible a few years ago, you know?"

Carmen turns away, looking back out towards the rest of the room. The tree Ivy and Zack had spent several days fawning over, the dozens of presents they'd all gotten for each other, the myriad of other decorations, and... the freedom it all represented. None of them were tied down by VILE, or loan sharks, or shitty dads, or-

Or anything.

"Yeah, I think... I do." She sighs," If I looked back on myself, even just by a few years ago, I don't..."

"Think you'd recognize them?" a beat, and then, hesitantly," Do you regret any of it?"

It takes her a moment of thinking, of remembering what it felt like to panic and struggle, to fight the woman she thought of as a mother, nearly hurting someone she loves. However, at the same time; hearing a soft voice calling himself Player, watching a redhead call herself 'muscles', only a few minutes after she and her brother told her about the history of their hometown with a smile and their warm laughter.

"I don't know," Carmen says. It isn't a good answer, but it is as honest as she can be. "What about you?"

"Honestly?" She listens to the sound of Player's chair creaking as he leans back, his soft humming in her ear," I don't, either. If I could go back, though... I'd like to meet you guys again."

That gets another smile out of her," Same to you, Player."

She thinks, for just a moment, about how far they've really come. When she was just that... little girl, blinded from reality, following murderers like a lamb to the slaughter. It was so different back then when she was small. Or when it happened again, and her team – no, everyone - fought tooth and nail to bring her back.

Carmen still remembers what it was like, to fight for her life against the people who had sworn that they would protect her, only to turn around the moment she showed hesitance, to slow her descent with warnings and Maelstrom's psych evaluations. The terror of when she stepped out into the great unknown, with only a small voice on the other end of a phone to guide her.

She fought to be free and deep down; Carmen doesn't think she could ever regret that. 

Author's Notes:

Me, showing up with a fic after nine months of no contact:
Everybody else: SHE'S ALIVEEE!

ANYWAYS;
This is set in a weird time frame between Carmen recovering from VILE's brainwashing and her leaving and is very self-indulgent on my part.

If you've ever been in a situation where you need to fight, something I've learned is that you should never feel sorry for that. But, even so, I don't really think I could recognize myself from a few years ago, I changed... a lot, and I think that's a good thing.