Would Anyone Care?

One

Beep, beep, beep. My brain hears that dreaded noise, and my subconscious knows what to do, pulling me out of what I think was for once a good dream. Reaching to my bedside, pressing snooze on my phone.Laying in bed not wanting to open my eyes, "how can it be this day already? Why did it have to come around so quick?" The day I am talking about is Monday 4th September 2017. And why am I dreading it so much? First day back at school!

My last year at The Oxford Academy! My own personal hell! I have had 6 blissful weeks of not having to worry about getting up, going to lessons, of no homework, or the sheer dread I feel everytime I have to force myself to walk through those gates....

Beep, beep, beep! Urghhhh! Opening my eyes I roll over and switch my alarm off. Already I can feel the knots in my stomach, trying to think of any excuse my mum will accept for me not going to school! Reluctantly I get out of bed, trying to focus on the dream I was having, but not quite being able to remember it. Like trying to remember a good looking face in a crowd you only saw once.

I open my closet and get my uniform out. Seeing the school emblem on the blazer, the dread builds, my palms get sweaty my heart rate quickens. "Get a grip!" I walk into my bathroom turning the shower on just as I hear mum calling up the stairs "Lucy, are you up sweetie?" I yell back "unfortunately" and get myself showered. Usually a shower helps to relax me, but today the hot water is doing little to ease my angst.

After getting dressed, brushing my hair and putting on a little eye liner. I look at myself in the mirror. I know I am not unattractive, I have nice long blonde hair, a very plain but pretty face, with full lips and blue eyes, that have just a hint of smoky grey to them. My mum always says she loves my eyes, if only she knew the pain I hide behind them, the suffering they cause me on a daily basis. Because Ruby Matthews has decided that they are more on the side of my head than the center of my face, and has used them as a source of mockery every single day for the last year and half. Making sure she uses her popularity to her advantage, spreading rumours and lies, all because she decided one day that she didn't like me! I take one last look in the mirror at the shadow of a girl I used to be and go downstairs.

Walking into the kitchen I see my mum standing at the island. Everybody says we are like two peas, we do have very similar features, the hair, our build, same smile and our eyes are an identical colour. But no one could ever accuse my mum of having eyes like a fish, she is beautiful, and I dont just mean in the way people say there loved ones are beautiful. Some misguided glorification. She is a full blown 10 out of 10 stunner! She is also my hero. People say how alike we are, the truth is I strive every day, to just be a little like her. If I could turn out to be 25 percent as good a woman as her, I wouldn't be doing bad.

she gives me a smile but it isn't her usual vibrant smile, I see a strange, almost painful look behind her eyes too. It's the pretend everything is OK look, one I know well and have perfected over the last couple of years. "Morning sweetheart" she says as she pours milk into three cups of tea, bringing one over to me at the table kissing my forehead as she hands me my the cup " You excited to get back to school? See Amy and the girls?"
"Morning, and yeah, I guess so" I say trying to put as much enthusiasm into it as I could.
"Where's dad?" I ask, he is usually running round the kitchen about this time looking for his van keys.
"He is in the living room" she replies almost on auto pilot. "He isn't going into work today."
They have obviously had a tiff, I think to myself as I drink my tea and help myself to a bowl of cereal. They never let me see when they have a fight, but I can always tell!

Half an hour later I am up in my room, getting my bag. That familiar panic is starting to hit me. My stomach tightens, I can feel the cold sweat coming over me, droplets running down my spine. My breathing getting shallow and quick as I am consumed by despair
"What if they have thought up worse names?" Come on Lucy.
"What if more kids join in with the taunts?". You can do this.
" What if they do more than call me names?" Snap out of it you pathetic bitch."Maybe they would of got bored, or forgot about it all over the summer?" Yeah course they have! I think to myself sarcastically.
I grab my bag and head downstairs and out the door, saying a quick goodbye to my parents, so they don't see the tears building up behind my eyes.

Walking to school, alone with my thoughts. I get to a familiar house. Amy's house, as I walk past I can't help looking up at her bedroom window. A bedroom I have been in thousands of times, a bedroom we used be in together almost every single day of my life. Singing Mcfly songs as Amy played them on her guitar, dreaming about our futures. Amy being the next Taylor Swift. While all I have ever wanted to be is a chef. To have my own restaurant, where I can perfect my very own dishes. It was in that room she told me about the first boy she fancied, Jason, he lives across the road from her and she told me how she sits at her desk, just hoping to see him briefly across the street.

It was in that room I told her how I could never fancy a boy like Jason, how I have never fancied any boys at all (Amy is the only person in the world who knows about that side of me). I remember how she hugged me when I told her I am gay, how when I got upset, she didn't shy away from me like I expected her to. She didn't treat me like a leper because, all of a sudden she thought I might pounce on her. She just held me and told me it will all be OK, she was just my friend. When I needed her the most. Such a big part of my life since the age of 5, that I have lost because of Ruby. We used to be inseparable, but once the bullying started, Amy distanced herself from me. I guess she thought she would suffer a social death, by association. We haven't spoke all summer and barely spoke the whole of the last school year. God I miss her so much! I am tempted to knock, see if she has left for school yet but I decide I will wait until I see her at school today. I am going to try to build some bridges. I need my best friend back.

I am barely ten yards inside the school gates when I hear "Alright fish eyes" It's Adam, Ruby's vile thug of a boyfriend. I just put my head down and quicken my pace. Making my way through the groups of excited teenagers all eagerly telling stories of what they did over the summer holidays. I decide to head straight up to the second floor, to our tutor room so I can have 20 minutes of solice before school starts and maybe see Amy.

As I get to the top of the stairs I realise immediately I have made a huge mistake. Standing by the doors are a group of girls with Ruby looking straight in my direction. We lock eyes immediately and by the nasty grin that appears on her face I can tell this isn't going to be good.
"Oh look girls, frog face is here! Did you have a good summer bitch?" She says with a venom only Ruby can muster.
Immediately her group of cronies all start to laugh...... As I try to push past them I see a face that stops me in my tracks, standing next to Ruby is Amy, she has a strange look on her face, it almost looks like pity......almost, but it doesn't stop her from joining in with the mocking laughter. I can't help myself, I just turn and flee... as I am running down the stairs I hear Ruby shout "Ams, I can't believe you was ever friends with that Skank!"

I run to the girls toilets barging my way past two excited looking year eights, and straight into the first empty cubicle. Locking the door behind me I just break down. Falling back against the door sliding down it to the floor. The sobs uncontrollable. I have only been in school just over ten minutes and already I want to die! How could Amy be friends with Ruby? I understand her distancing herself from me, she sees the torture I go through, but to actually be friends with the one person responsible for it! I sit on the floor crying, clutching my schoolbag tight to my chest, knees pulled up, and for the first time in my life, I understand having a broken heart....

A few minutes later the tannoy starts beeping letting me know it's time to get to tutor group. So I slowly stand up grabbing some tissue, wiping my eyes and nose before leaving the cubicle. I spend a few moments in front of the mirror. Washing my face, re applying my eye liner. Trying to make my blotchy red eyes look like they haven't been crying. But it's no use. I sigh, grab my bag and head off up to tutor.