Would Anyone Care?

Fifteen

As my alarm goes off I try to rouse myself out of my slumber, I feel like I have barely been to sleep, and truthfully I don't think I have, it was 3:51am the last time I looked at my phone. Tiredness stopping my brain from functioning properly I look at my phone and for a split second panic. It's 8:00am, shit, why is my alarm going off so late, then it hits me. Its Wednesday. I get up out of bed and
Use the toilet. Then put on my dressing gown and slippers and make my way downstairs. Mum and dad are already up and dressed. They are sitting on the sofa, mum in his arms.
"Morning humans" I say as I walk in and plonk myself down in the armchair.
"Morning Luce" dad says.
"Morning sweetheart"
"How are you feeling mum?" I ask
"I'm OK love, could murder a cuppa though" she says.
"Do you want..........." I start to offer to make one then remember she isnt allowed to eat or drink now. "What time are we leaving?" I ask.
"Dad and I are leaving at quarter to nine" mum adds.
"Please mum, please let me come with you" I ask already knowing what she is going to say, we have been having this conversation over and over the past two days.
"No Luce, it is just going to be a lot of waiting, I told you, you could stay off today but I want you at home. There is literally nothing you can do sweetie" she says "once we know what going on and how long I will roughly be down for, dad will drive back and get you so you can be there to laugh at me when I wake up all out of it ok?" She gives me a smile and her I mean it look.
"Ok" I say sulkily. Not happy about it but not wanting to add anymore stress to her, especially today.

Dad gets up and as he walks out the room asks me if I want a cuppa? I say yes and go join mum on sofa snuggling into her. Trying to keep all my emotions in check for her sake, the fear twisting my insides, everytime I swallow I find it hard, battling to keep my tears at bay I place my head on her chest. Feeling the rhythmic beating of her heart, the most loving, caring heart in the world, I think of all the times I have been a bitch, of the times I have played up for her, and I wish I could take every single one back. She is my whole world, I wish it was me going through this, I'd give anything to be the one having this operation today. I have so much less to lose than mum, as we sit there in our embrace I say a silent prayer.
"Are you ok sweetheart?" She asks after a while.
"Yeah, yeah I am. I'm just enjoying this" I tell her.
"We will get to do this a lot more you know. Once I am home and feeling better"
"I know we will." I lie.
"Might feel a bit different once this girl has been hacked away" she says.
I do a little fake laugh cos I know mum is trying to make light of having her breast removed.
"At least they are only taking one" I try to joke back.
"Yeah that might be a bit funny at first, put my balance off a little bit."
"As long as I don't come down for dinner and just find you walking in circles" I say, and I can feel her chest bounce as she laughs.
"Might do for a little while, but hopefully I will soon have a nice new one to replace it." She says talking about her breast augmentation.
"Maybe you can ask for an upgrade? Nice brand new set of DD's please doc." I say making her laugh even more.
"Think I can swing a bit of liposuction off my bum at same time?" This time it does make me laugh, I am amazed at how high her spirits are, but not surprised. She always has been a fighter, her whole life. It makes me think maybe I am being silly being so negative about everything. Just then mums phone goes off, as I reach forward and pass it to her, I can see it is nana calling. So I hand her the phone and go into the kitchen to get my tea.

After drinking my tea and trying to force some toast and jam down me unsuccessfully, I go back into the living room just as mum is hanging up the phone to nana.
"She sends her love" she tells me as she gets up and walks over to the window, she just stands in silence staring out of it. Dad comes in and says that it is time to get going and I am overcome by a cold sensation, I can literally feel a chill in my bones, I feel nauseous, I stand up and face mum just as she turns around, tears streaming down her cheeks, I run to her and wrap my arms around her. She totally breaks, she is sobbing uncontrollably into my shoulder and for the first time since I found out about mums cancer, I see just how terrified she is. I hold her tight, "its going to be ok mum. Its all going to be ok." I tell her as I stroke her hair. "We are going to be here, the whole way, supporting you." Through her sobs, she tells me she loves me as I feel her holding onto me like she never has before. Fighting with everything I have not to cry, to be be the strength my mum needs me to be, I just let her cry for a minute, let her get her release.