B,
Are you still up?
Fuck, I don't even know if you have work tomorrow. Your shift changes every month diba? So rest day mo ngayon.
Kamusta ka na?
Me I'm not okay.
I miss you, so bad.
Galit ba sila Nanay at Tatay sa akin?
Sunduin na kita ha...
I'm not ready to explain to them, abangan mo na lang ako sa labasan please?
It is now 8:30pm.
Same time yesterday when I blocked her way into the bathroom.
I can still feel her body as if she's still close to me.
Ever since she started working, making love once a month is a luxury.
So I make it a point that every time she's in the mood, I am giving her my all; my body, my heart and my soul.
I'm not stopping unless she tells me to do so.
😭😭😭
The emptiness is now creeping up inside me.
I wanted, so so much to call her. To break this gap I have placed between us.
But I don't know how will it be afterwards.
I know it will be a piece of cake to dial her number, say I'm sorry, and forget about all this shit that's happened.
However, if I rectify what I did last night, will it automatically erase all my worries?
Will she justify what she did? Knowing Jessica, she will assume that I was the one to blame.
And that's what is keeping me to send her those messages.
I don't want to drink. But this fucking strawberry wine that was brought by Kim as pasalubong when she went to Baguio for a vacation last month, is now waving at me.
I am trying to fight the urge to get drunk but...
Ten minutes later I find myself going down to buy some ice on the convenience store. Usually Jessica makes ice cubes but I bought a few tubs of ice cream days ago kaya walang space para gumawa nun.
I also bought chips and siopao.
Kinain ko muna yung siopao para magkalaman naman yung tiyan ko before ako uminom.
Yari ako kay Jessica kapag nalaman niya na I drank with an empty stomach.
Though hindi na naman niya malalaman, I still feel like she would curse me inside my head kaya yun muna ang kinain ko.
Then I start sipping the wine.
After almost an hour, naubos ko na siya. Parang juice lang kasi.
I opened the chips but I almost did not touch it.
When I felt that I should take a pee, tumayo na ko.
Bakit naging dalawa ang pinto ng banyo? Saan ako papasok?
I am now feeling the head rush.
It took me minutes to get myself back to the living room.
Humiga ako sa sahig.
