I'd marry you with paper rings

Chapter Four

Louis was staring at the food in front of him. Some chalky brown drink, soggy porridge, toast - white bread with way too much butter and a cup of fruit. Couple months ago he would have eaten that and then more and probably still had room for a pastry. But in the present day he looked at it and wanted to vomit. He was not eating it. He pushed the side table away and hurried back under the covers. Fuck this. He was fine and had nothing to prove.

****

"Mr Tomlinson. Mr Tomlinson!"

Louis scowled at the Nurse and crossed his arms over his chest. "What is your problem?"

"Mr Tomlinson. This is the final straw. I'm going to page an assistant in and we'll begin the process of an NG tube."

****
"Louis what the hell is going on!" Zayn parked himself in the seat beside Louis' bed where the lad had his arms crossed over his chest and was wearing a scowl.

A nurse came in and pressed a button on a little machine to start the feed. Zayn watched the pale pasty liquid shoot up the tube and into Louis' nose.

"We are concerned as his vitals have gone downhill instead of improving. Mr Tomlinson will likely be here for another week." Fiddling with his IV and making sure the tape was secure on his dimpled hand, she then turned to exit the room.

Louis rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Wait! Nurse, wait." Zayn grabbed the woman's arm, she looked at him with pity, sensing the worry off of Mr Tomlinson's friend.

"What can I do? Please. I hate seeing him like this. I feel like I've tried everything. I cannot get through to him no matter what method I approach him with."

"We're going to run some tests. We want to get to the bottom of this as much as you do Mr Malik. Hopefully it's something physical and easily fixed. If not then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, just continue to hold his hand, okay?"

Zayn nodded and watched her leave.

"Babes, I'm just so worried. Are you in pain? Is that what it's about? Is your belly just sore? The less you eat the harder it will be to have proper meals again. I know you're trying but-but please! Push yourself a little more. Please."

"Aw Zaynie don't cry. Not because of me! It's not worth it." Louis reached out his left hand (the one with his IV taped to it) and wiped away a tear that was making its way down Zayn's cheek.

"I want this wretched tube out my nose just as much as you do. I'm gonna eat dinner, I promise."

****
"So I heard Louis' being tube fed." Harry was pacing around his kitchen. Not doing anything in particular as he was just too anxious to sit still.

"Yeah. His vitals are worse. They said something about running more tests, it's definitely not a stomach ulcer and they're in the process of ticking more things off the list. What are your thoughts?" Good. Harry was glad Louis didn't have an ulcer as he knew they were painful.

"I don't know. I mean, I don't think he's doing it on purpose. I know he's like, uncomfortable with his body. But I don't think- I don't think he'd do that to himself. Would he? You know. Starve himself." The idea of Louis suffering so much and denying himself basic human needs made bile threaten to come out the top of his throat. He swallowed it down and waited in anticipation for Zayn's response.

"I mean, nah. I don't think he'd do that. Maybe he would Harry. I don't know. I know Nathan used to like, tell him his body was awful. But Louis never used to care. Or he'd at least act like he didn't. I think he's depressed. I don't think he's starving himself."

"Okay. Okay Zayn, thanks. You've ehm, you've settled my mind a bit. I'm gonna head off to see him before visiting hours are over. Are you back at your flat now?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna stop off tomorrow after work though. I'll maybe see you then if you're around?"

"No worries mate. I'll see you tomorrow if not then at some point."

Harry started making his way to the hospital. He didn't know a lot about depression but he knew the basics. He also knew it showed itself in different ways for everyone and although he didn't understand it, he respected how hard it was for its sufferers.

He made a stop at the shops and picked up the biggest, softest teddy bear he could find.

**

"Hey you." Harry snuck a glance at the tube taped to Louis nose, then quickly looked away."

"Hey Harold. Oi, what's that behind your back?"

"There's nothing behind my back Tommo. I don't know what you're talking about." Harry smirked and walked closer to Louis, whipping out the oversized teddy bear.

Harry swore the sound that came out of Louis next wasn't human. It was angelic. The sweetest giggle that was so inticing it put Harry into a fit of laughter too.

"What the fuck Haz, hahahaha. What on earth possessed you to pick this up." Louis made grabby hands at the bear and Harry handed it over.

Louis pulled it to his chest and gave it a whiff. MmHm. It smelt like Harry. A mixture of his cheap cologne and sweetness. Probably from the bakery.

"Well. You're sick. And you're my Loubear. And it's a bear, for my Lou."

"God what a line Styles. But thank you, I love it! Really." Louis set the teddy beside him in his bed and smiled up at Harry.

"So, nice tube."

"Cheers, it's my new look."

"Well, as handsome as you look, I hope the tube isn't a permanent fashion statement." Harry maintained his eye contact with Louis' for a split second, until of course, Louis looked down at his hands again. Turning into a recluse.

"Harry, I'm trying really I-"

"Shh, Lou. Don't. I'm here to be a friend. To support you. You don't need to explain yourself." Louis' shoulders slumped in relaxation.

"However. I will be sitting with you during dinner. I brought my own dinner too so we can eat together."

Louis smiled at Harry, and whispered a quiet thank you.

Whilst waiting for Louis dinner to turn up they played a friendly (but competitive) game of scrabble.

Louis didn't often allow himself to be vulnerable. If ever. But recently, in the past couple of days, he's found himself beginning to trust Harry. He knew he had feelings for the man. But he also knew they wouldn't ever be reciprocated. Louis with the "tommo tummy" and rolls and stretch marks. Multiple chins and imperfect skin. He was short and boring and he knew he wouldn't ever do better than Nathan. Harry saw him as a friend and nothing more.

Louis was going to end up alone. Probably with seven cats and size XXL jeans that were too long and had to be rolled up at the ankle.

Soon, his dinner was placed in front of him. It was a chicken dinner, more chalky brown liquid in a cup and a packet of crisps.

"Now Mr Tomlinson. I want you to get through at least three fourths of this. I know it might be overwhelming but it's not a big portion. It's just packed full of the nutrients you need. And if you do that and eat your three meals tomorrow the tube will be out." The Nursing assistant smiled and then walked away. She probably had a million other things to do.

"Okay then Loubear. I've got my dinner and you've got yours! Let's eat."

Louis returned the smile Harry offered and he picked up his fork. Deciding to tackle the heaviest thing first he began to cut up his Yorkshire pudding.