37: Trying to love myself

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It's so odd, I loved you so much for sure
I adapted myself entirely to you, I wanted to live for you
But as I kept doing so, I became unable to bear the storm inside my heart

- Epiphany, Bts sang by Jin

...

Today marks the end of our shopping spree for the balikbayan that will be exported to our motherland, the pearl of the orient, the Philippines!

I sigh comfortably as I sat into the back of the car with my very much sore legs; strands of my hair escaped my clam as it flies off to my face making me frown in irritation; the aircon blew away the heat that suddenly came as we left Target and ran into a couple of Filipino people my mother knew. Well you know how it goes, they talk for hours and hours until one would say they'll leave but they didn't and start another conversation.

It goes on for an awfully long amount of time.

"Did you make sure that there's enough Vienna sausage there in the back?"

"Yes, there is, Ma!"

It has been two months since we started stacking up groceries as well as toys and clothes for this giant box were filling in to be shipped off to our family's side.

"What about the medications for Nanay? The vitamins and the device for blood pressure?"

"I'm not sure, I think you bought it a while ago" I replied as I play on my phone, Je Ha messaged me as she wanted to talk about the project that was given to us which is another war biography nonfiction. 

Ugh.

I think I gave an inkling of what they are doing — pushing over the difficult stories to our side to edit and doesn't even give us some bonuses for it.

"How's work?"

"Fine" I replied dull, I roll the back of my eyes at James continuing to ask me to go to a party with him. Ha. Not a chance.

"- you're going there with them"

"What?" I lift my head away from my phone and asked with furrowed brows. I totally zoned out what mama was talking about.

"I said Romanov already asked for my permission if you could go with them to celebrate their win along with Elle, so you're going with them tomorrow night"

"What?! When did he-" that sneaky bastard, he too, was also asking me if I could be his partner for the Oscar-like awarding except it's for sports. "I still have work-"

"You're stressed honey, give yourself some free time, besides Romanov helped me out yesterday by pining my name into his post on Twitter about his fan asking where the plant he has on his place is"

Well, he helped mom's business flourish so fine. But just this once.

"Okay, I'll text him" murder him with my words, actually.

We entered our streets and pulled up when we saw Uncle Carson's car already in the garage. Mom called for backup eg. Uncle Carson as he helped us bring the dozen of groceries, mostly canned foods and bathroom necessities, in the living room.

He then helped us take the massive balikbayan box into the living room; we then started piling up the shoes and clothes, separated the food and soaps, placed the chocolate and the medications into some safe place and we're done.

"Thanks, love" Mom kissed Uncle Carson's cheeks.

"No problem, we'll have to send it to the mailing office soon before the other food expires"

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