LOT'S MOUNTAIN

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR: Red

"Dylan?"

A small orb brushes by my foot.

"Grim?" When I realize that I'm still holding Jamie's necklace, I shove it into my pocket. Then I start up again, talking real fast, "The Glass Man has her. We gotta get her back."

"No."

I guess Grim isn't listening. I wasn't asking a damn question. When I stagger, though, he holds me steady.

"He's probably at his church. We show up there ..."

"Dylan, he wasn't making it a big secret where he was, so we've been watching his church. But he's not there anymore." After a long pause, Grim adds, "And ... the whole church is gone. It just isn't there."

How the hell do you lose an entire church?

"I'm a loser-finder. I'll find the Glass Man, and then we get Jamie," I say. Right now, though, I feel like I've been through a damn meat grinder and that I'm not going to be able to find much of anything. Frowning, I add, "We'll zap over to wherever they are ... and then the cemetery hounds that are probably guarding him kill us before we grab Jamie. Dammit. Well, that plan sucks. Okay, we need a new plan."

"Dylan—"

"Look, I can find the Glass Man, all right? And she'll be with him."

"I know you can find them, but what are you going to lose to do it?" Grim replies. Then he eyeballs me for a little bit. "You ... you're different."

"And you're full of shit, Grim."

But he doesn't back off. He just stares at me even harder and says, "You lost something back there besides Jamie, didn't you?"

Just a bunch of guilt. Who the hell cares? Jamie's who I have to think about now. Why is he fighting me on this?

Grim wants an answer, so I say, "Yeah, so?"

"That's how the Stone Men got started, Dylan."

I want to hit him as hard as I can. I hate to admit it, but I pull back, ready to slam my fist into his face. But he's right. And I know it. Is that what is going to fill in for all the guilt I lost? Anger? Anger that'll cause me to turn on Grim? To hurt him?

No.

No way. I think about the dream with Bill and the peace I felt then. That's what I want. Don't worry. I'm not gonna go around handing out flowers and hugging everybody. I need a clear head. I don't need to fly off the handle. Instead of guilt, I want to remember how much I loved Bill. I SWEAR I'm not gonna go around hugging everybody and passing out daisies.

"You keep losing parts of yourself on the inside, even the bad stuff, and pretty soon you're just not you anymore," Grim whispers. "We need the bad stuff, too."

Yeah, but my bad stuff was getting in the way. It was. I see it now. But I don't want to be like Tim. What if I had ended up hating Bill after all the guilt was gone?

Shaking my head, I sit down. Well, to be honest, it's more me falling down. Grim sits down with me. I didn't get burned on the guilt thing. I got lucky. But Jamie ...

Why couldn't the key have been me? Why couldn't I have been smart enough to find a way to get Jamie out of 210 Carver Street?

"We have to get to Belle Lake," I reply. "We get some monsters, and then we get her back. We can talk to the Old Bone Woman, too. Maybe she can ..."

"No."

That simple, stupid word again. No. It sends my whole world crashing down around me. Why does he keep shooting me down like this?