i mean it / scaramouche

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|scaramouche x transmasc reader
tw topics of depression, coming out
requested by @ZackxFanfic
slight angst but fluff at the end??

THIS IS GENUINELY MY FIRST TIME WRITING SOMETHING SERIOUS LIKE THIS . but i hope it's okay and i do hope u like this😭😭🙏 LET ME KNOW IF I DIDNT CONVEY A TOPIC LIKE THIS CORRECTLY OR SOMETHING I WILL ALWAYS LISTEN
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"...are you ok?" scaramouche worriedly glances at you, gently moving a pesky strand of your hair which blocked your view. you averted your eyes towards his face, and couldn't help but say you were fine. when he looked at you with such sweet, honey-like eyes, it was difficult to say no.

"i'm alright," you give a soft, weak smile, that doesn't quite convey the anxiousness, fear, desperation and emptiness, the time spent staring holes into the mirror of your own reflection, wishing you weren't you. avoiding his gaze, you lied to yourself and him. it was unbearable.

your eyes weren't full of that usual spark, nothing but a small shimmer that simply showed you were alive yet you barely weren't. those dark bags under your eyes, those thinning cheeks of yours. nothing about you said ' alright,' and scaramouche could see so clearly when the only one in his eyes, the only one he looked at was you.

"no you aren't." he sighs, his tone of anger but not towards you — towards himself.

"you don't have to tell me what's going on y/n. i just want to know if you're okay. no matter what you're going through, i'm always by your side. i love you more than anything and i mean it." clearly flushed, scaramouche blurts out it all, yet he couldn't give a damn about how embarrassing he sounded or how stupid of an expression he showed at the moment. nothing else mattered at the moment but you, his mind empty yet full of thoughts of just you.

your throat swelled up, you could feel a lump and those warm tears filling up your tear ducts. you could feel your heart slam against your chest, and your tightened fists began to hurt.

"h-hey, don't cry, i didn't mean to go overboard. but i just want to let you know i care — a lot." flabbergasted, the blue haired male was clearly confused on what to do, on how to convey his aching heart for you.

attempting to gulp down the swelling lump in your throat, you blinked back the tears to remain enough composure to talk to him. "scaramouche, you really meant it when you said you love me? even if i change? even if i'm transmasc?" you manage to say, through your tears and anxiety.

he stared blankly at you, azure eyes staring directly at yours. "even if you change. you're still the one i love, nothing changes that. i really meant it when i said i love you. if that's what makes you you, then so be it."

you didn't know if your heart pounding against your chest rapidly was due to those heartfelt words he had just told you or if it was from the nervousness you felt, the fear. maybe both, but you knew the absolute relief and love you felt at this very moment was from him.

scaramouche still had his eyes locked onto yours, his face madly reddening. he meant every word he said, especially the i love you.

you broke into a smile, not even attempting to stop your tears as you leaned into his face, your lips crashing onto another. were his lips ever so soft? maybe you were just so relieved that everything felt great.

backing your face away, you could see his beet red face, scaramouche's expression also relieved. even if he had to say words everyday and even cornier ones, he wouldn't mind if it meant he could see that expression on your face, free of that previous state.

"you know, you just sounded really cheesy there," a smile etched upon your lips, as you buried your face into his shoulder, a lavender scent instantly calming you.

breathing out with an annoyed tone, he wrapped his arms around you, deepening the embrace. "shut up."

"but i love you too." you smiled even wider.

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