Diary of Your Average Emo

Update Jan 9, 2022

I wanted to write this, even though I'm not active anymore, just because I like seeing my growth. When I started this account, I was around 11-12? And now I turn 15 in about a week, which is absolutely bonkers. Tw for mentions of self harm

First off: gender and sexuality. I now identify as a binary trans man. I use he/him pronouns, which is kind of funny, bc while this acc has existed I went from she/her to they/them to they/he to he/they to he/him. I also now identify as just gay. My previously mentioned boyfriend and I are still together, we're coming on our two year anniversary in about two months. He also bought me trans and gay pride flags that are coming in just in time for my birthday :)) Most of my family still either doesnt know or doesnt support, my aunt is the only person that supports me. Because of this I'll have to hide my flags like I hide my binder. But my parents are stupid because its been almost a year and I've worn my binder in front of them literally almost every day and they havent noticed. And its a pretty noticeable difference. But that just assures me I'll be able to hide them without consequence :) I still haven't legally or medically transitioned, but I've practically completely socially transitioned without my parents knowing. Everyone at school, including teachers, calls me alec. Not everyone uses my pronouns, but its okay bc they will someday.

Second off: My mental health! Since this account was created, I've been diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) two or three different times along with social anxiety. I am seeing a therapist, so no worries. While this acc was active, I self harmed often. Like, every day often. But now I've been clean for a WHILE. I'm not exactly sure how long, but I can literally wear short sleeves and shorts without any cuts or scars!!!!!! (my scars are VERY light) I've also not relapsed into my ED and have a very good relationship wirh food and my body. I still havent been officially diagnosed with autism, but everyone around me knows im autistic and I treat myself as such. I struggle so much less now that I know how to cope. 

Third off: My music taste. As I've mentioned before, during this acc I listened to emo music, mainly MCR. I still listen to most of that same music (besides patd, but i pirate their few good  songs (written by ryan ofc lmfao)). But besides the emo music, I also like newwave and darkwave a lot. Punk is also really good too, but I only really listen to Dead Kennydys right now so I cant really call myself a punk. During this acc I called myself emo, but with my new love for goth music, I call myself goth. Of course, I have the political beliefs of a goth/punk too. 

Fourth off: Band!!!! I literally LOVE band. I still play alto sax and now I have a MAJOR hyperfixation with saxophones. Soprano and altos are my favorite, tenors are okay. but bari saxes. disgusting and i dont associate with them. But my love for saxophone has grown so much in such a little time that I even got one of my own!!! 

Misc: I've picked up witchcraft and am pretty serious about it. Also, I know pretty much anyone reads this anymore. but im so sorry for how cringey i used to be. Reading back on the other chapters of this book, I'm so embarrassed. I promise I've changed.

(in makeup and my binder :) )