Diary of Your Average Emo

Hey.

(Trigger warning- mentions of eating disorders)

Hey. I know I said I'd be more active, but that hasn't really happened. One of the reasons is my mental health, which is still pretty bad. My depression has been kicking my ass and I've started to develop an eating disorder. I'm not officially diagnosed, but my boyfriend and I think I'm anorexic. That's another reason I haven't been updating as much- I created this book because I was lonely. It was kind of my way to get attention and to be able to talk to people about my life. But now I have friends, and the best boyfriend in the world. Because I have him and other friends, I don't really need this book anymore. I just wanted to let everyone who might be worried about me know I'm okay, and you will be too.

Second of all, I don't think I'm going to update my MCR oneshots anymore. I just don't really enjoy it anymore, and now that I have a boyfriend and I've figured out I'm demiromantic and demisexual, it feels even more awkward. But I still want to thank everyone so so much for 9.7K reads!! I never thought I would ever get that many reads on anything I've ever done, thank you so so much!! On a sadder note, I'm really  sorry to disappoint anyone who wanted more. I've thought of making MCR fan fiction, but like, not romantic. I might do that, I might not, we'll see. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about myself a bit. Earlier in this book I came out as nonbinary. I still Identify as nonbinary, but I need to come out as a few other identities. Firstly, since I've gotten with my boyfriend, I've come to realize I'm not pansexual. I'm demisexual, meaning I don't experience sexual attraction unless I'm very close to the person. And my boyfriend and I are very close. With him, Ive realized I'm also demiromantic. However, most demi people also identify as something else, like bi or pan. I think, at least for now, I'm just going to identify as queer. 

For my gender identity, while I'm still nonbinary, I've found another label that suits me well. I'm demiflux. If you don't know what it is, I'll explain- Picture my gender is split in half. One half is nonbinary. The other half is genderfluid, except it fluctuates between demiboy, demigirl, and just nonbinary. So some days I can feel masculine, some days I can feel feminine, and some days I can feel totally androgynous. And I'm pretty proud of myself for how I'm doing right now.

I've also had a change when it comes to names. I was thinking about changing it, when I decided, "Fuck it, I can have two!!" So my two names are Alec and Cloud. Cloud is more of a nickname, and when I introduce myself, I'll usually introduce myself as Alec, then Cloud comes later. 

So, yeah. That's how I've been doing. I hope whoever's reading this has a good day today, remember some random thirteen year old on the internet believes in you :)