Of Gears and Humanity

| 15.2

[DAMIEN]

The world didn't make sense. Trying to understand Elena's Homestead didn't help. And the stories I was told growing up just made the view I had from out of the room's open window a dark contradiction.

Let humans tell the story, Attributions were awful machines purposely pushed to one side of the Gate. They were to be watched, guarded against; kings trained their soldiers to expect the danger.

Yet, this wasn't disclosed to the people. When I looked down from the castle's tower and watched the villagers excitedly approaching the party gates, I saw smiles that didn't match what I'd gone through.

What did they think happened? Elena went out into the forest and found a rock. That I walked with her to help. How did I get hurt? I was bleeding when I stepped back to town; there was a giant bandage covering my ribs under my shirt. The king gifted me a room filled with food and praise from the villagers, but it couldn't help what I felt inside.

The king was a liar. Even his own daughter was clueless. And unless he kept all of those people dressed in robes who gawked at his every step out of the loop, they were liars, too. And based on how I was raised, living with machines that made me feel as if I was alone in this world, humans were no different.

Each side lied to keep their secrets intact, to protect their history. But for what? To what end?

Pulling my gaze away from the people anxious to tell me, the boy who didn't exist in this world just days ago, how much they loved me, I had to look at the moon. The single object in the sky that never judged me, but calmed me. Listened to my thoughts without response. There wasn't a need. Its calming light was peaceful enough. And I needed that.

"How many times did I read about machine animals but never thought about it?" I pressed my tongue into my cheek. "A lot. Cool stories. Entertainment, like those movies I used to watch." I snorted, closing my eyes. "Who would've thought they'd be real, hm?"

If I were back home, I could imagine Unique stepping out under the moon with me. She'd place her hand on my shoulder and have her robotic response to hold me close. I never thought I'd need the feel of her plastic hug at this moment; the only love I ever knew. I yearned for it.

I slid my finger along my head as I thought of her smile. "You always told me there was more out there, you know. More than balls of light and fire. I thought you were talking about the stars, mother." Laughing, I covered my mouth and looked back at the sky. "Were you really trying to tell me something? I was just too absorbed into Arvon to hear you."

A strong wind blew outside. When I looked back down out the window, a stall built outside the castle to gather gifts for the royal family rocked with the pressure. Two men fought to keep it together, pressing their hands against the sides. Others joined in until the single structure stood back in place.

Kindness. Helping hands.

My laugh faded with the wind as it blew once more then stopped. "Feels like I was too absorbed to hear anything for a long, long time."

I closed the window and shut the curtains. Staring at the people outside, the moon above, wouldn't help my problem or answer my questions. I turned back to my old book instead, holding it in my hand. The bare spine without a title, without an author, screamed at me with its unspoken secrets; words forever hidden within the pages of a book instead of stories carried in the wind.

I lost count of the number of times I read it after coming back to this tower. The second Theo left me along and took the servants with him, I reread the stories I used to think were fun. I tried to connect the pieces from the pages to what I experienced outside.