Letters to Tristan

two four

                        Sunday, 5th April 2015

Dear Tristan,

So much for “getting back into everyday habits”.

Mum has been trying to get me to do a bit more so everything can go back to normal. Whatever normal is supposed to be.

It started off with simple things like making my bed and wiping the windows. I didn’t need to clean my room because it would never get messy in the first place, I couldn’t stand all of the uncertainty of not having everything in order.

There was no point in arguing with what mum asked me to do. I wasn’t lazy, just numb, so I did whatever she told me to do; no questions asked on my behalf.

Last night, she asked me to dry the dishes, they had already been washed. It was just after dinner so it wasn’t like I had anything better to do.

Plates, knives, forks, glasses and sometimes spoons. I thought those would be the different objects I would need to dry afterwards. Actually I knew I would need to dry all of them because those were the utensils we used for dinner. And, trust me Tristan, please trust me, that was all I was going to do; just dry the dishes.

I did not think anything else of it.

So I did the job but I noticed one thing. One stupid thing. And you know what that was?

I didn’t have to dry any knives.

Not a single one.

I started trembling, I don’t know if it was out of anger or frustration or what stupid emotion but right then I was definitely actually feeling something.

Mum and Dad were still sitting at the table, chatting away. I walked out there and asked one thing.

"Why didn’t I have to dry any knives?”

Lots of love,

Scarlett