𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 - lexi howard

- 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫

[no silent readers please]

𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗱𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 calls from Fezco and Ashtray until she's one hundred percent sober, Montana strides into school wearing thick sunglasses and black jeans over a silk champagne bodysuit and her usual platform boots. She doesn't really care about school itself, as she knows the only place she's going in life is to a white room, but she'd be lying if she said she doesn't enjoy the attention she gets there.

About an hour ago, she bailed from Lexiʼs house after her shower, leaving the girl speechless as all she did was playfully flirt with the girl. She's grateful for what the Howard girl did for her, but who helps a dying person these days?

Now, I know what you're thinking — it's a bit fucked up that she's going to school looking like a million dollars after what happened last night — but it's not like Montana is Scuicidal or anything; sometimes her mind simply goes blurry and she becomes a visitor in her own body. It's perfectly normal for someone with her...issues...to randomly snap for no apparent reason, and Montana is used to it by now. She tried to kill herself last night and maybe it won't be the last time, but for now, she just wants to go back to school and have some fun.

Her phone begins buzzing again, and she looks down to see Fezcoʼs name on the screen. It's probably not healthy for somebody so stoned to be so worried, it probably makes him paranoid or some shit, but Fez has been smoking weed basically his whole life so Montana just ignores him for now. He'll fall asleep soon and forget all about her sneaking out of his house. Or maybe she won't and she'll have to start listing excuses. Either way, Fezco isn't the kind of guy to have a panic attack over this shit. He's just protective sometimes.

"Montana...you're back," the teacher looks skeptical as the girl strolls into class with a smile. Her smile has never brought anything but trouble to this school. "Can you take your sunglasses off, please?"

"I can, yeah," Montana nods as she takes a seat beside Rue at the back corner. When the teacherʼs eyes narrow at her, she shrugs. "I'm perfectly capable, yeah, but I'm not taking them off."

The teacher sighs, pinching her nose. First day back, and this girl is already starting problems. "And why aren't you going to take them off, Montana?"

"I was out all morning —didn't get to do my makeup, so my eyes look like shit," Montana answers truthfully. "I'm not gonna model my bags, now, am I?"

From the front of the class, Lexi turns around to face the girl with a slight frown. She doesn't know why Montana ended up in the park last night, or even how, but she knows it wasn't just the case of being too drunk. Lexi has seen people who have gotten too drunk before — she lives with an alcoholic — and the face Montana Lestari had this morning on the swing was not the face of a drunken idiot. It was the face of someone who had the intention of hurting themself.

When Montana catches Lexi looking at her, she lowers her sunglasses and sends her a wink, a sly smirk on her face that makes the Howard girlʼs belly do a flip. She shamelessly continues to watch the responsible girl for the rest of class, fingers twirling around her pen, as she grows intrigued over Lexi Howard — the way her brows furrow when she gets confused, the way she feels like she needs to get everything right, the way she keeps her desk organised and clean. It makes Montana smile a little, feeling as though she's getting to know her. She likes that feeling, it's comfortable.

❤︎

𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗮 𝗵𝗮𝘀𝗻ʼ𝘁 spoken to anyone but her three brothers and Lexi Howard since the night of McKayʼs party, which is why she's a little shocked when she sees Rue and Jules sitting together at lunch. It's not everyday Rue Bennett makes a new friend.

"This is embarrassing," she says, watching as all the students go by on their way to class. "I feel like everyone knows."

"Rue, I don't want to turn this into a competition, but, like, I win," Jules tells her and throws out her arm, which is bandaged on the wrist. "For, like, a multitude of reasons."

The two girls smile up at Montana as she greets them, but her eyes stay glued on the new girlʼs arm.

There was a time when Montana Lestari truly believed the only things you could get addicted to were drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. She never knew something like a knife could have you so obsessed. But when she was ten years old, she watched her dad slit his wrists, she watched him lose his blood and die on the floor of their home. The therapists all say that it was this moment that caused Montana to go off the rails, to start catching mental disorders like they're pokemon. Maybe they're right, maybe the thing that triggered all her problems was the trauma of watching her dad kill herself, but it's not like that was the worst thing that happened in her childhood. As you've probably already guessed, her parents were/are messed up. It's because of them that Montana — a preteen at the time — had a self-harming problem, had bulimia, had issues with her conduct and was a lowkey psychopath.

And  as bad as it sounds, Tana would go back to those days in a heartbeat. Because somehow destroying herself felt better than breathing. Because destroying herself was the only time she ever felt like she had control over her body. Because half of the time, Montana Lestari feels like she's sitting on a train and waiting for it to crash.

"Yeah, well, I almost fucked a guy," she says, raising a shoulder as she giggles and leans on the space in between Rue and Jules.

"How's that bad?" the new girl laughs, looking down at her. Sure, Kat had told her about Montana Lestari in summer school, and she's gotta say, she's a little disappointed that she hasn't seen the girl do some of the crazy shit get that she's known for yet. But either way, she's glad to have her as a friend — she seems okay, despite her reputation.

"I'm a lesbian and hate men."

"Word," says Rue and high-fives her best friend. Then, spinning back to the original topic of conversation, she adds, "I just don't wanna deal with all of the fucking questions."

"So don't," shrugs Montana. "Fuck 'em all."

"I still win," Jules says in a high-pitched, cute voice as she swings herself around the tall sleeper they're leaning on. She slips her hands into Montana and Rueʼs, and the three of them make their way to the next class.

"Wait, you're alive?" some guy asks, and Rue only flips him off in response.

"Like, seriously, what the fuck?" she asks and Jules giggles.

But Montana is distracted for a moment when she sees the flash of brunette hair and soft, caring, brown eyes. Lexi hurries on to her next lesson, and Tana watches her go, a small smile tugging onto her lips. She doesn't know what it is about the responsible girl that draws her in, but she knows she wants to know more.

(a/n: i'm not so sure about this chapter) — tay <33