Teasing Fate |The Outsiders|

34. Confession

"WHAT I'VE MISSED MOST IS YOU." - Abby Cates (Roadtripsong

I've dealt with blood before. I've cleaned up my brothers after some Soc couldn't keep their mouth shut -- I've even done the same for Steve and Dally, even Johnny sometimes. And I guess I don't have the luxury of being squeamish near blood when I have caked on my thighs every month. I stand in the kitchen, leaning over the sink and scrub the instruments with a wet rag. I can hear Darry in the bathroom, hear the water running as he tries to set his nose back into place. Ponyboy and Sodapop are fast asleep in their bed at the end of the hall. They've gone to bed early for a Saturday night, but it doesn't make me any less grateful. Darry and I have jumped through enough hoops to try and keep 'em away from all this, if they caught us now, all would be for not.

I watch blood, soap, and water all mingle together at the bottom of the sink before vanishing down the drain. Slow steam rising from the tap, but I hadn't noticed the water had been close to boiling. I don't feel like myself -- even though I'm doing something I'd done a million times before. Washing the dishes was nothing new, neither was ringing blood out of a rag. Cleaning up after the boys in my life is nothing new, but I don't think I've ever seen a face split open like that.

I watched the bottle swing through the air, I heard it shatter into a thousand pieces over his face. I heard the gun go off and watched him stumble backwards, falling straight onto his back. None of us worried about Mr. Shepard and Keep after that. Hell, I don't even know if I saw them after that. I remember Patrick was the one to haul me to my feet, with one gentle hand around my waist while he let the other loop my arm around the back of his neck. Darry must have done the same with Tim -- that could be the only reason he was unconscious on the sofa -- but I don't really remember how we got home. I think we walked -- we must of -- but all the events of the evening have bled into each other, really just turning it into mush in the back of my memory. I feel like I'd just spent the last two hours at the Drive-In or in Sylvia's living room, watching some stupid flick I really didn't care about. Yeah, that's why I can't keep anything straight.

I'm falling asleep in front of the sink with a pair of scissors in my hand while Momma's sewing needles rattle around in the bottom of the sink. Keeping my eyes open feels like some impossible feat, but I know I can't give in just yet. Not until Darry's outta the bathroom and I can scrub the rest of my makeup off. Whatever's left of it, at least. The house is dark and still, but the steam running up from the tap can make it comforting for a while. I know my brothers are safe now; two asleep and the other cleaning his wounds. I know Tim is as safe as he can be when the left side of his face is being held together by my subpar sewing skills and a few bobbles of thread.

My sanity's like a piece of thread right now. Held together by a few frayed edges, threatening to snap at the earliest inconvenience. I just have to pray the strong I'd used it stronger than I am, unless I feel like waking up to a dead and bloodied greaser on my couch tomorrow morning.

"Marley? C'mon honey, what's wrong?"

When did Darry git here? When did I start crying? I can't force my brain to come up with an answer as Darry runs his hands up and down my arms. They're cold -- his hands, I mean. Dripping with water and coated with disinfectant, it's comforting nonetheless. I stand there numbly in the middle of my kitchen, trying to remind myself that the shadows moving in the outskirts of my vision aren't real. Trying to remind myself that it's over. Trying to remind myself that Tim isn't going to die. I watch Darry raise one hand to the side of my face and brush away a tear, but I just stand there, rigid as a fence post. I can hear him whisper to himself, but all the words get tangled together on his tongue. "Come on Marley," he says finally before taking my hand in his own. "L-lets get you cleaned up. You can go to bed after."