When She Sees Me (Book 0.0) -INTERSEX

Chapter Five

Alexandria

The weekend went by fast for Addy and me. We watched TV all day and played with her barbie dolls. After lunch on Thursday, I took her out for some ice cream at Lulu's restaurant, and we went to bed after watching Happy Feet for the thousandth time. I went to class Wednesday and Friday and decided not to take Jayda's advice to talk to Ms. Walker. I'm still too scared to even try.

Working on the pier was great this weekend, especially since Jayda was able to watch Addy for me. But it's Monday, and I'm looking forward to having those mesmerizing eyes stare back at me after not seeing them all weekend.

Waking up with the sun beaming in my eyes reminded me, yet again, why I need to close my curtains at night. I reached behind me to pick my phone up and check the time. Jeez, I woke up before my alarm again. Putting my phone back down, I try not to wake my daughter next to me. But when I looked over, I was greeted with a cheeky smile and crystal blue orbs staring back at me.

"Hey baby girl, what are you doing up so early?"

"Dada tum tum make grrrlll." She looks down, pulls her penguin pajama shirt up, and points to her stomach. I hear a faint grumble from her round belly. She giggles as I poke her belly button, making her throw a fit of laughter. "No! Stop!" She shrieks.

I stopped and pulled her to my chest to hug her tight.

"I love you, Princess."

"Wuv you too." She smiles and kisses my cheek.

"Okay greedy pants, let's get you some breakfast. What do you want to eat?"

Her tiny fingers tap on her chin as she thinks about it. She looks up at me as if a light bulb goes off in her head. "Pantates."

"Pancakes? You want Pancakes' hungry pants?"

She nods her head yes "Okay, eggs and bacon too?" She screams yes as I pick her up and take her to the kitchen with me. I gently place her on the counter and give her the spoon to mix the pancake batter.

Jayda walks into the kitchen in her blue pajama pants and matching top with her striped robe hanging open.

"Good morning, my lovely baby sister, and good morning my favorite beautiful niece," Jayda says while yawning and rubbing her eyes. Adelaide is the only niece she has, but I just decided to ignore her statement.

"Jayjay," Addy yells, "We make pantates!"

"Mmmmm, that sounds yummy."

Jayda gives me a tiny smile as she glances at me. We haven't spoken since our disagreement on Monday night. I'm just at a loss for words with her. I know she's right, and I understand where she's coming from, but it's complicated. It's difficult for me to modify my perception of myself. I still believe nobody will ever love someone as repulsive as myself. Even the girls I used to sleep with were only interested in me for my sex skills, never in me as a person.

"Hey," Jayda says softly.

"Hey."

"So... Are you going to try and talk to Ms. Walker today?" she probes.

I sigh. "I don't know, Jayda. What if she finds out about..."? I circle my private area "and then thinks I'm a freak?"

"You can only be yourself Alex, but if she rejects you, Addy and I will always be there for you. But I could see how excited you were the first time you mentioned her. And I know she's been on your mind for the past week. I say go for it, ask her out or something; the worst she can say is no."

I nod and smile a bit sheepishly at her, hoping that the small amount of confidence she has given me will be helpful later. After we finish our breakfast, Addy and I get dressed and walk to the car to begin our day. Driving up to a parking lot near the campus, I park and help my daughter out of her car seat.

"Good morning, Alex. You look nice today." She smirked at me, and I swear I saw a hint of flirting coming from Mrs. Conney. She tries to play it off by kneeling to my daughter, "And Addy, you look like a princess, how are you?"

"Otay," Addy tugs on my jeans, and I kneel to her. "Dada? You come back?" her sad eyes look at me with concern.

"Yes, baby girl, daddy will be back."

"Pwomise," she holds her little pinkie out to me, and I smile, taking it with mine.

"I promise, Princess." I kiss her head and realize this will be an everyday occurrence when I leave her to go to class. It's like she's afraid I will leave her and never come back. But after the first time I ever tried to leave her, I promised never to do it again. And I have the scar to remind me of my commitment to her.

I leave with a tinge of grief in my heart and struggle through the first two classes. I could not pick up my daughter for lunch today since I needed to confirm that I had all the necessary books and supplies required for my classes. Consequently, my heart felt heavy when arriving at my last lecture at 2:00 pm.

When I entered the room, Ms. Walker was greeting her students by the entrance, saying their names in an attempt to remember them. I appreciate how she makes each student feel important. That isn't easy to come by in a university. Teachers are so busy teaching that they don't take the time to get to know their students. Ms. Walker appeared to have some unique qualities compared to other professors, not just because I find her attractive.

She was dressed in skinny blue slacks with nude heels, a striped polo tucked into her pants, and a black cardigan with the sleeves folded up. She looked stunning with the minimal makeup she was wearing. When I noticed her looking at me and smiling, her beauty engulfed me. I returned her bashful smile, biting my thumbnail once again. I looked down at my feet and continued walking to my spot in the back of her class. The reminder of how much I missed Adelaide entered my mind once more.

Ms. Walker swayed at the front of the class, discussing the differences between sex, gender, and sexuality. I'm honestly not sure why I chose this class. I needed 48 hours of non-major upper-division courses with 15 credits left to finish my psychology degree, and this one was available. So, what's the harm?

When the phrase "intersex" is spoken, I raise my head to pay attention. The term relates to me, but since the concept is so broad, it also refers to many other people. It piques my curiosity to see how it's taught. I commend her for teaching beyond the gender binary in a university lecture. Many professors are old school and will include their biases in their lessons.

A whine from the hallway distracted me from the lecture. I glanced at my phone and realized I hadn't even noticed how many times the daycare had called to reach me before the class door flung open and my daughter raced in. She came to a halt in front of the class, tears in her eyes. "Dada, where are you?" My classmates probably assumed she was looking for her father until I stood up and walked to the front of the class to collect my daughter.

"Hey Princess, what's going on?" I softly whisper to her.

"Dada! Tum tum hurts." She started to cry and lay her head on my shoulder. I felt her forehead, and it wasn't warm.

"I'm sorry Alex, I was going to wait outside the class until you got done. She can't be with the other kids while she's not feeling well. But she started crying and rushed in here," Mrs. Conney tried to explain.

I put my hand up to wave it off. "It's fine Mrs. Conney. Thank you." She left the classroom, and I turned to go back to my seat and grab my things to leave.

A few eyes were on me, confused about why my daughter called me 'Dad.' I didn't care, and I wasn't explaining to them.

"You are welcome to stay Ms. Reed, as long as she keeps quiet. For the last 30 minutes of class, I'm going to outline a project that will be due in the following week." I heard a calm voice behind me, turning to see Ms. Walker.

I nod and sit back down with my stuff. Sitting Adelaide on my lap and rubbing her back gently until she falls asleep. Ms. Walker smiles at me and goes on with the rest of the lesson.