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"i'll be so glad when summer finally ends," yumi sighs at the kitchen table, placing the cutlery on the empty plate.
you look up from the newspaper you've been studying for days to make sure there's nothing about you in it.
even today, you can breathe a sigh of relief. the newspapers write about all kinds of things, but not a word is said about two juvenile delinquents who have been on the run for weeks.
how much you would like to see this as a sign of security, but by now you know that even this security can be a deceptive appearance.
"but then winter comes and it gets deathly cold" you almost shiver at the thought of it.
hyouma next to you is silent and finishes his scrambled eggs, while he's already thinking about your departure.
you've already been with yumi longer than planned, who was able to help you rearrange the car a bit thanks to her work colleague.
how much effort you put into the perfect escape, although you are only a hair's length away from ruin.
because with every second that passes, your time becomes scarcer. you don't know how far your arrest is in the future - maybe weeks, but maybe only a few days.
at the latest when winter comes, you will have a problem, if you have not been caught before.
it's a game of uncertainty, time is your opponent. the unbeatable opponent.
"well i prefer winter" the reddish pink haired one shrugs and clears the dishes from the table when yumi is also done eating. "are you going to town again today, yumi?"
nodding she speaks. "yes, i want to do the week's shopping, do you need anything?"
"we have a little list of things that we need" he rummages around in his jean pants.
she runs the water in the sink, raises an eyebrow. "yet? so you'll be leaving soon."
"it's about time. we can't stay here forever" he confirms yumis assumption, gives her a note and immediately holds a part of your last money in his hands.
"put the money back in your pocket. you have almost nothing left anyway and i don't want to know how you'll get any in the future. the errands are on me, that's the least i can do" she just accepts the small crumpled note.
"thank you, really" he smiles honestly at her.
"do you at least know where you're going? you can't go around the world forever" she inquires. you can clearly see the concern in her facial expression.
"no, not yet, but we'll manage" hey clears his throat and puts the money back in his pocket.
you give your boyfriend a runaway look, wondering why he's lying. but you don't talk to him about it here, he'll have his reason.
"even though you're still here i'll say it before, please take care of yourselves" she looks between the two of you, her look emphasizing her statement once again.
you begin to smile and latch onto hyoumas arm. "we will" you say, sounding confident even though you're not and may never really be again.
━ 感覚期 ━
you are in the small guest room while yumi is out shopping in town.
your boyfriend sits on the narrow bed you've shared for the past few nights and slumps backwards into the mattress, arms outstretched.
"why didn't you tell her that we already have a plan and want to go to rensuke & his girlfriend?" you ask him the question that has been burning on your tongue since earlier in the kitchen.
"the less she knows the better. we've been here too long anyway and put her at high risk." he explains as you nod your understanding.
if you were caught here, or if yumi were connected to you, she would be tried in the same way, if not behind bars.
after all, she helped hide a criminal, a murderer.
you sigh, tired of the weight of your thoughts, the constant worries.
you would have liked to turn back time to the time when things got particularly dicey at home. you should have run away then, without a degree, without money, simply away from the maniac, who in the end was only a producer and no longer a father.
then you wouldn't be in this situation now, then you wouldn't put anyone else in danger now and then there wouldn't be any blood on hyoumas hands now.
you still blame yourself for the situation, even though he keeps saying that you are not to blame.
"do you think we'll ever be able to live a normal life?" your gaze is fixed on the small window through which the room is lit.
you can see the dust particles dancing in the air, floating in the peaceful calm. you would like to trade places with them.
hyouma straightens up and supports himself with his arms on the bed. his heart contracts painfully when he sees your glassy eyes, the sadness in your gaze.
while you stare into the light, you imagine a life without crime, without fear and without worries. you think about what it would be like to be able to go out in public without worries, to go on dates with him normally.
you would go to a small restaurant, you would make yourself extra beautiful, just for him.
and after that you would climb on the roof of a house, the only forbidden thing in this unattainable wishful life.
you would admire the stars and hyouma you. yes, maybe you would have the luck, see a shooting star and can make a wish.
your personal forever.
and maybe it would come true. stay together, someday step over your own threshold, get married, have children, watch them grow up and pass on the wisdom you have collected all your life.
and in the end, you both would sit together on your porch, admiring the sunset while teasing each other about your wrinkles and holding each other's hand.
but that dream bursts like a soap bubble when he strokes your cheek with his thumb and you hear your name.
"y/n"
you avert your eyes from the light, look to him and break when you see his shocked expression.
tears wet your cheeks, streaming freely down your hot skin. they run down your boyfriends hands until they fall onto the dusty mattress and burst in an instant.
just like your dream did.
"why are you crying?" he puts both hands on your cheeks in shock, wanting to stop the waterfall of your tears. silently, he pulls you to his chest, lovingly strokes your hair and leaves a protective kiss on the crown of your head.
"because i was thinking of what we can never have"
