I Forget my last love

02-03-2022 : Wedding

Hey dairy, I am Sella.

I know you are excited too because today is my wedding but I think... I am nervous too I mean I am feeling little suffocating and feeling guilty like what I am doing is wrong. But I can't tell anyone about this feeling.

I think this is that nervousness every bride feel in her wedding. Ohh, but a different feeling I can't tell it's a positive sign or negative.

Nevermind!!

I am marrying my first love, Denial. OMG! I know everyone is not that lucky to marry their first love.

But is he really my first love??

I am not doubting anything, it's just that I am feeling something is missing or I think more like someone is missing.

Who??
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Even I doesn't know.

What I am writing even I doesn't know.I am literally in my wedding gown waiting for my name called. But here I am writing a journal of how weird I am feeling.

I am not a weirdo,duh!!

I didn't have a family.

I am an orphan or I think I don't remember if I have any family in this world .

But still I manage to find someone who love me like no one else.

I  am having a urge to see my soon to be husband but I have to wait.

I think my heartbeat rising. I am feeling little warm and sad.

No! Today is my wedding why should I have to be sad.

I am starting this dairy on my wedding day because I wanna record each moment of my life after this day .

Everyone say that your marriage date is really auspicious and special not even for the bride and groom but for the whole universe because this is the day two souls of this universe gonna arrange in this beautiful bond.

Beautiful lines,right ?? I know these lines are so beautiful but I didn't make them I just remembered them...even I doesn't remember who said these lines to me...but I think that person was so special for me because he say such things to me.

Wait!! He?? I don't know why I only write he....that person might be a woman...

What's wrong with me??

I wanna see him because I think that's the only thing that can make  my heart calm down.

Why they are taking so much time did they forget that their bride is ready and writing rubbish in her journal.

If my soon to be husband reads my dairy, he gonna make fun of me for rest of the life.

Sometimes he tease me like we are middle school besties.

Because I don't even know if I have any friends.

I know you also wanna know why I am talking like a insane person...but this is all true.

I wanna lift this burden and live a beautiful life with my love, whom I didn't know he is or not.

I heard the bells it means groom has enter the aisle.

It means they are gonna take my name too.

God!! This nervousness.
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They take my name. But why I am not feeling excited. I should be happy, right.??

But why I am not happy.

It's okay...it's just that I am too nervous.

I think I should be ready at the entrance, so I have to leave it here.

I will continue after the wedding or maybe after our wedding night, you know spending some quality times.

I am taking courage and make this marriage memorable.

So, bye...let me attend my own wedding without any excitement and nervousness.

Take care and don't you dare caught by others. They will think of me as a teenager who is keeping a dairy...okay???

Hehehe!! Just kidding...

Bye!!

~~~~~