How do you know you've healed?
How do you know you're trying to?
I thought I was.
I stopped the blade and the pills and the self sabotage and the tired eyes and the fingers down my throat.
I stopped all of that and I was kinder
gentler
with myself.
I let the bad relationships and people be.
I took the time to put better thoughts into
my system. For a while, it worked.
But it always feels like a lie.
Can I trust myself to heal?
I wonder who I've sent out to do all
the good things.
Who is that, laughing and talking with my friends?
It doesn't feel like me. It feels like I'm watching a movie.
This new star, she's bright and she's beautiful and she wears fuckin biker shorts,
I mean c'mon, who is that?
Healed me? I'm doing better now me?
How would I know if it's real?
Because as far as I know, I've always been a liar.
I think I've been lying to myself for a while now.
