Pain Killer

so... you have found yourself in the midst of curiosity of what the heck is this

*we sit in a small circle* a banner hangs on the wall, saying welcome to group therapy!

hi friends, good to see you. my name is Cati Murry and i'll be leading this session today. thanks for coming. great to have you. sorry i didn't bring snacks but i'm sure i can force one of my characters to make you some country time. *gives warning eyes to my characters (slaves)*

anyways. *pulls out my clipboard*
lookie here~ we have a new book! one that i didn't announce and one that i didn't even plan for! WHOOPS
you forgive me, right?
of course, you do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I just have a few disclaimers and some expectations you should bring with you upon entering this journey of a story.

- so even though the fluffy, girly, mushy writer, yours truly, is writing this piece of junk, THIS BOOK IS NOT LIKE MY OTHERS
so Imma let you know, it's a lot heavier-themed than my previous books. it's got all the meat and potatoes of suicide, depression, anxiety, self-harm, and the like. I won't be tip-toeing around anything, you're gonna get the whole bloody scene.
I don't want to hurt anyone for not forewarning them at the beginning. if you aren't comfortable with these themes, don't hurt yourself!!

- yet again, i'm not doing proper grammar for this intro thing, it's just too much work. gimme a break. of course, the actual story will have 98% perfect editing, i promise.

here are some various thoughts i've had, deciding to go forward with showing this book to you (this one's long, better go grab some water. the country time's taking a while):

- i'll be honest, i'm hesitant to publish this book. there's a lot of dark thoughts that have passed through my mind during the process of making this and it feels rather like a journal than a book. it makes me wonder how others will view me after reading this... which isn't a great thing for a writer who thrives on the support of her readers. this book contains wrong opinions of mental health and how to get better and even semi-unrealistic growth which i can't say is my best work, but for the sake of the storyline.... it exists in here. i apologize in advance.

- the plot is a little wobbly i'll admit, but like most of my stories, it was merely born as a vague feeling of a girl who sits on a bridge and boy who smiles too much. that's it. a single sentence on a sticky note that i stuck to my notebook. 

- i'm also hesitant with publicizing this book because i don't want to make the idea of suicide and self-harm something to idealize. it's a huge problem that so many individuals silently struggle with. i can say there is a lot of content out there that tempts kids and adults alike to hurt themselves, starve themselves, and sadly, contemplate suicide. my main goal was to be realistic with the thoughts and patterns these mental issues bring, not to glamorize them. although the ending is kinda happy (spoilers!), it's no promise that things can magically get better with the power of love and a change of mindset. and just because you have a mental illness, does not mean your soulmate will save you. putting it in God's hands is the first step.

- maybe you're wondering what kind of theme we're going for?
i'm feeling something that's aesthetic but meaningful and you'll feel better about life afterwards, maybe. [powdered donuts, sugary smiles, and sticky fingers. that's the aesthetic i freaked out about while brainstorming.] although it feels less surrounding-detailed than my novel, Life is Funny Like That. not quite as pinteresty, I'm sorry...

- i feel like focusing on dialogue more, which is challenging for me. in my past books, i've tried to describe the surroundings to better explain the character's emotions and thoughts which i would say is my stronger suite. and for this one, i'm doing more dialogue. kinda intimidating tbh... we'll see how this goes. might jump ship as soon as i don't feel like doing that writing style anymore lol

uh, yeah so, hope you like it!

Feb-5-22
pub, Apr-30-23