Pain Killer

29 ~ My Pain Killer

Within our lost heads, we find ourselves walking aimlessly through the unforgiving rain. The chilly dampness had long since soaked through my hood into my hair. I barely notice it, finding Uri's hand almost reaching for mine.

Just at the last moment, he shrinks away, clenching his fingers into a fist. The action makes my heart sting.

"Can I walk you home?" Uri asks, just staring ahead as we walk across the bridge.

"Sure." I, in turn, stare at him. Everything in me screams not to bring it up with the given situation but I can't help myself. I stop walking and come to a standstill. "I'm not being fair with you, am I?"

This makes him turn to look at me. "What?"

"I've been really cruel to you, expecting you to carry on as my friend when in reality, it must hurt you..." I blink away the raindrops falling from my bangs. "The reason I hypothetically turned you down was because I was scared." I dip the toe of my shoe into a puddle in front of me.

Uri watches me intently as I take a breath of humid air. "I didn't think you could fix me, so I figured it would be best not to-to... but I guess that's not really the point of a relationship, is it?" I laugh to myself. His silence makes me nervous.

What the heck, just fricken spit it out already.

I chuckle for no reason. "I think I started liking you when we went to the diner together." My face grows extra hot suddenly.

The patter of rain fills in for our voices as we look down at our shoes and the dark shade of gray the cement has turned.

"So..." He takes a small step towards me, still out of arm's reach. "You've liked me all this time, but repressed it?" He sniffs from the cold breeze. "And heartlessly rejected me anyway..."

"I'm sorry."

"So, technically, you started liking me first." Uri puts his hand over a snobbish smirk. "How embarrassing."

"What? Then, when did you start liking me?" I can't help as my eyes go wide.

"I don't know... but it was definitely after you."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, yeah. Right."

His expression goes solemn. "If we were in different circumstances, say, I don't know, you were in a better spot with your head and all, would you have gone out with me?"

I stare at the aglets of his hoodie strings. Would it be that simple? Is it really all in my head? No, it couldn't possibly be just that.

There's no way.

I look down at myself, disgusted by this pitiful feeling. "Why do you like me?" I mumble, clenching my teeth. I'm so frustrated suddenly. "I'm just this worthless nobody... You could find so many more people who are so much better-"

"Ughh, stop doing that!" Uri groans, his hands pulling down his face. "It's so annoying!"

"What is?"

He gifts me with a hard glare. "You seriously don't know?"

I furrow my brows, angry tears building in my eyes. "Of course, not! What is it?"

"Why do you always have to dislike yourself so much..." He scratches his head. "as if nobody cares at all?"

"I don't... What do you mean?"

"See?! This is exactly-oh my gosh, you're so freaking frustrating!" Uri's face is all emotion as he glares at me.

I match his look, adding an extra dose of scowling. Why does this make me so mad? My chin begins to wobble with my agitation.

"I'm gonna drop the bomb on you. You ready?" His voice goes low.