My Journal

Forget, I Wish I Could

You asked me once, "What do you want from me?" As you were sliding down the couch due to the pills you had taken.

I replied, "A sober mother."

And though we laughed at it since we're always laughing at your incoherentness, but I had meant it.

I just want one day where you're completely sober. Not one joint, not one beer, not one nothing. I know this would only hurt you, so I've already lost.

I understand you are in pain but does that mean mine has to multiply?

You're my best friend, but some days you make me hate you.

The amount of times I'VE relapsed because of YOU.

You're hardly home anymore. I miss you.

You run away from your problems, and then throw them on me. And yes I listen, I listen because I am scared of what you'll do to yourself if I don't.

I want you to stop, I've asked you to stop. I explain to you that I'm traumatized, yet you still do it.

You get angry when I don't respect you. How can I respect a parent who is stumbling and falling?

I try, mother, I do.

This will continue, I know it will. You'll keep drinking and I'll keep the pain.

You forget while I remember everything. single. thing.

So go ahead, forget, just remember you're losing your daughter more and more.

—

1/23/22

Addiction Hotline: 1-800-662-4357