My Journal

Hate

I want to hate you, I really do.

And sometimes it's the only emotion I feel towards you, but eventually, the love comes back.

You say what you say but you never think of how it will affects us.

What gives you the right to be upset?

How dare you?

These words cause scars and trauma, yet you're able to forget.

I hate you.

But you're my mother.

So I must love you.

You sacrifice for us, yes. But you tear us down and kill us on the inside.

Your own son can't look at you sometimes.

While I try to understand, I must admit: I want to cry. I want to yell. I want to curse you out. But I'll never do that to you. You're my mom.

You're my best friend, my mommy.

You make me hate you. And I make you hate me.

Is all of it my fault?

What can I do to make you stop?

Have some shame.

Don't laugh it off.

I can't stand you.

Yes, it's true. You won't remember what you said tomorrow.

You don't have shame, so why should I?

How can I have a good relationship with someone I love when you're such a bad example?

I've always thought you were a good mom, then I realized a mom doesn't act like this.

One day, hate will be the only emotion I feel towards you. It will be your fault, maybe you'll have some shame about that.