Gorgeously Messed

Chapter 17

I bought Trisha an iPhone yesterday. My heart ached while giving my savings just for a stupid phone. I mean, what is the point of purchasing high-priced mobile phones? It's just a waste of your time and never let you live in the real world. I bought my phone years ago and still using it. I use it for normal calling, normal text, and very rarely normal face time and sometimes pictures. That's it. But people these days are using phones day and night. The first thing they do after getting up is checking their phone which is the cause of brain damage. This results in depression and stress. Isn't it harmful? People are stupid to spend their whole life being on phone. Anyway, I am here at my office and I have no concentration on work because of yesterday's incident. Wherever that man visit, misfortune follows, and her mother, oh that evil face, she is Lady Macbeth. I don't know if she is alive but if she is not, she is surely in hell. I look out of my office's window. The sun is setting down and there are clouds in the sky. I need a cigarette to calm my nerves down and the sky is perfect... It is almost six and I didn't go for lunch today. I didn't pick Kabir's calls. I have eight missed calls from him. I just... don't feel like talking to anyone. It happens a lot to me... whenever I feel upset, I ignore every single person who could try to console me. It gets into my nerve when people ask me why I am upset or when they say everything's going to be alright... NO m@therfu#cker, nothing's going to be alright and I don't fucking know why I am upset. I just am. Anyways, I grab my phone and walk towards the elevator to reach the terrace. As soon as the door opens, I find that perfect view of the city. I just adore how there is something... something like rush passes through me whenever I see the city with beautiful sky. I really adore the countryside but Cities.... they have something strange effect on me. I feel more alive there... here I can be alone while not actually being alone. I can walk on the streets with thousands of people without being recognized. The city lights at night are my favorite part. There is that rush in the city.... Always moving... always forwarding but when you stop there, time stills for a moment and you could feel your own heartbeat in the crowd.... So ALIVE. I walk towards the pile of paper to find my hidden cigarette and lighter but it's nowhere to be found. I bent folding my knees in the stool position to check the pile properly but a voice startled me and I fall backward on my bum. The voice says "Looking for this?"

I turn my head to watch a boy sitting at the corner of the terrace with a cigarette between his lips.... and for a moment I stayed there... looking the places around cigarette that belongs to his face. Then my eyes traveled down to find out that he is holding the lighter and the packet. He walks towards me and offers me a hand but I stand on my own to face him. "Why are you ignoring me?" he asks.

"Why are you here?" I ask ignoring his question.

"I had a feeling that you'll be here." He says walking away. I follow him. "Talk to me." He says and we both stop at the place where we stood the first time when I took him here. He hands me a cigarette and lit it for me. I take a drag and release it. "Things are off lately," I say. "Please, don't ask Why, How, What, and Ifs. And please don't tell me that everything is going to be all right."

"I am with you." He says and takes the hold of my hand. And at that moment a tickle rushes at my heart while I looked at him like he is a miracle or maybe he is that sense of me that has been long sabotaged by my subconsciousness. But he smiles at me like a mirage.... a mirage in the desert which I wanted to be true but maybe it isn't... but maybe it is......

"We didn't hang out since New Year. Would you like to go somewhere? My treat." He asks. I really don't want to go out. I just want to relax at home and watch movies and eat food and drink lots and lots of wine.

"I... I don't feel like..." I say but he cuts me off by saying "Come to my place. My roommate has gone to his family for a week." I nod in an agreement because as long as I don't have to look pretty and smile at everything... I am okay. We enjoy the scene with a cold breeze but then I start to freeze. So, we step to the lift to go down. When we enter our floor, people noticed us and I start feeling giddy because I don't want to give the wrong impression to anyone. I ignore the glare of them and walk towards Kabir's table so that he can pack his things and then we both walk towards my cabin. When I open the door, I see my boss sitting on my chair. My heart bumps with fear. She looks at me and then Kabir behind me. I have done no work today and now, she finds me missing from my office and I enter here with my colleague. She stands up looking at my blank face.