...We're Dads. (NAMJIN)

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as much as i wanted to i couldn't fall asleep

the thunder kept me up along with my racing thoughts

i sat up with a sigh

"dad i wish you were here..we could talk..you could help me.."

i frowned looking at him

i hugged him resting my head on his chest

i patiently listened to his heart beat

i could feel my emotions bubbling up inside me

"it's almost like your dead dad...i hate this, i just want you here." i whispered

silence

"dad i wish you'd just snap out of it."

silence

"dad."

silence

at this point i was getting so overwhelmed with emotion

i was hurt

i was scared

i was confused

i couldn't face appa

i couldn't confide in my brothers

i couldn't tell johnny

but the one person i truly feel like could help me refused

"dad i need you to open your eyes."

i stared at him

my eyes began to burn

i jumped as the storm outside continued

it felt like i was in the middle of it

like if i screamed the storm would drown me out

it was starting to get to me, the fear, the desperate need for someone to tell me everything would be ok

"dad just open your fucking eyes!"

silence

"look at me!"

i got up hot thick tears streaming down my face

the lights flickered

i started to pace the room

heat and sweat becoming me

i was so upset i couldn't even pinpoint why i was crying

was it the sex?

was it my need for my dad?

i needed answers

i needed something

anything

"dad!"

silence

i fell to my knees crying

my body was giving up with how much distress i was putting it through

my vision was going blurry

i pulled at my hair to feel something, to know i was still alive

i laid falling asleep to the storm

i guess it did consume me after all