After Thoughts

Chapter Two

Chapter Two: Easy

Easy.

It's a feeling I had through our entire relationship. Our entire three years together. I had the feeling that everyone stared at me with disgust because whenever you felt like it, I had to be ready to have sex. It was never about me and what I wanted.

Our first date was at your place, and it was the day you had asked me to be your girlfriend. Early in October, we have finally started moving forward and you had talked to me longer than any of the other girls. I actually felt like I meant something to you.

Something very important.

***

"Come on," You grin like a child on Christmas as you drag me through your hallways. I barely had time to even look at your house. You rush to your computer and turn on some music - POP music, love songs. You reach your hand out to me with the most childish grin I had ever seen plastered on your face.

I giggle and grab your hand, allowing you to spin me around. The dress I am wearing flowing over my legs and I am suddenly very aware about the intimacy between us. You pull me to your chest and your lips meets mine in a passionate kiss. 

You push me back to your bed and I plop down, your hands eager on my body. I can feel your fingers as you search the buttons on my dress, the buttons that keeps my breasts closed. I reach for your hands, to stop you I think, but you just pushed me back so that I am now flat on your bed.

You are smothering me with kisses and I can barely think as you lift my dress. Your hands now all over my bare legs. I have mixed feelings and my stomach is fluttering with all the emotions. I want to stop you, this is our first date, we aren't even official, should I?

At the same time I feel the excitement of it all. The fact that you actually want me like this, it is overwhelming.

You didn't even ask me, you just pushed my panties aside and before I knew it you were already in me. I didn't feel relaxed through this, I was too overwhelmed and my anxiety of it all made it so uncomfortable. It had hurt me, but I didn't say anything.

I was aware of our surroundings.

Your curtains were open, your door was open, you were pinning me to the bed and I didn't feel like it, but I didn't want to upset you or scare you off. So I just laid there, allowing you. 

You finished. I didn't. You smiled. I forced one. You leaned in again and your lips met mine ever so gently. "I think I am in love with you," You whispered and just like that my thoughts came to a halt. 

In love with me?

Ethan is in love with me!

"Will you be my girlfriend?" You asked, leaning your forehead against mine. I bit my lip, feeling the excitement in my body and nod my head. "Yes!" The entire not-feeling-it moment forgotten as you pulled me up from the bed and hugged me against you, giving me another kiss. 

"Just a few things," You mumbled as we laid cuddled up on the couch watching some cartoons, the intimate moment left in your room. I turn to face you. "I don't want you to wear anything provokingly. You will look easy, and I don't want to date someone who is so easy." 

For some reason your words had hurt me. Am I easy for sleeping with you on our first date? 

"You should not have any guy friends, unless they are my friends, and you should also not talk to them alone. If you go out, I am coming with you." You must have seen my confusion as you gave me a small smile. "Just for your own protection. You don't know how guys can be."