make it right.

vii.

Taehyung's mind kept whirring painfully. He knows he could leave the topic alone. If she didn't show it, she didn't want him to know. Why was he being a meddler? Technically speaking she was no more than a landlord and business partner. He should not be blurring those lines.

And yet he made his was to the living room, disappointed to learn that Jisoo was working and instead found Minra and Minwon there, eagerly watching Crayon Shinchan.

"Hey, I love this!", he seated himself on the sofa as the two giggled in agreement. Taehyung added to the jokes on tv, making the trio erupt in guffaws.

An hour later, Taehyung found himself still eagerly binging the cartoon, cross legged on the sofa. Minwon and Minra had their head on either knee of his, fast asleep. Their nanny almost cried with delight as she exclaimed, adoring the lovely sight in front of her.

Jisoo perked up at the sound of shrieks and laughter. She found it warm, a distant feeling of home and familiarity. Never in months had she heard such a thing. Weirdly enough, she wanted it to stay—the laughter of the kids she thinks she hates.

Taehyung came to the living room later again that evening as Jisoo was about to leave.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, Jisoo-ssi..." She looked at him questioningly. Taehyung boldened his stance.

"Can I look at your hands?", his eyes did not miss the way her fists tightened in defence. "What's there to look at my hands?", she replied sternly, though shaken inside. 

"Why are you hiding them if it's nothing?"

"Show me your palms if nothing's wrong, I just want to have a look.", Taehyung kept moving forward and Jisoo backwards till he cornered her to the wall. Jisoo kept avoiding the man's convicting stare. Suddenly, Taehyung grabbed her fists and pried them open despite the other's struggles to prevent it.

Jisoo still was able to snatch away her arms but Taehyung had already seen the damage. Reddish-brown scars in the form of lines. That too, not very old: at most a week ago.

Around the time when he saw shards of glass in the trash.

"Did you do this?", he questioned in a stern voice, jaw clenched and eyes boring through her soul.

For a moment Jisoo felt that familiar stare her parents used to give her in her teenage years. There always resided hidden care and a good-will behind that hard stare, and to feel it after so many years overwhelmed her. After a long time, she felt obliged to spill everything honestly to someone.

That was just for a fleeting second before she regained her composure, brought her walls up. "So what?", she raised her chin. Taehyung's eyes softened instantly. "Why?", his voice dripping with pain and concern prodded at the most vulnerable section of her heart.

"They feel filthy to me. These are the same hands he held so tight, entwined in his fingers. My palms still reek of him, his barbarity. It repulses me to the fucking core.", she gritted her teeth at how her lips started to utter honest words. Jisoo's eyes fell towards the ground.

"You're making it like that for yourself. It's there as long as you think it is. You cannot exert pain on yourself to fade out the pain from the past." Jisoo let out a curse at this. She absolutely despised people like him, who wouldn't let you drown in your sorrow. Who wouldn't let you live in  the perfectly closed off world you created for yourself.

"Stop it, stop talking.", she manages to utter out, looking thoroughly disturbed.

"Why? Does it prick? Bring you to the reality you cower from? You'll slowly learn to face it."

The woman squatted down, hands over her ears, mumbling "Shut up, fucking shut up. I don't want to hear any more of this." Taehyung bent down to her level, catching her shaking shoulders. His pupils looked straight into hers, lending support. He gently picked her up, Jisoo was quick to move away from his touch. It revolted her how sides of herself she hid from even her own eyes, comfortably flow around this man, his glowing spirit and effortless comfort.

"You have children, but it doesn't mean you disappear altogether. You need to heal too. Numbing all the voices will cause them to crush you out. You deserve care too, Jisoo." That seemed such a simple answer to the storm of confounded thoughts whenever she thought about all her responsibilities.

One person to help her out, for once someone who didn't recite manuals about parenting and told to care for herself too. That was all it would take to start paying attention to herself. And it happened now, after so many years. Her insides yelled out a single question.

Where had he been all this time?

Because, she herself didn't know this, but Jisoo had needed him all this time. She looked at him, eyes blinking rapidly to dry out the collected tears in her eyes. Jisoo nodded lightly and Taehyung slowly left the room.

Taehyung slept very soundly that night, way too content. As his heart clenched strangely with warmth, he could think only one thing.

One small step, one small start.

published: 18/11/23

856 words

~sid.