Crossing all the lines

Surprise

It shouldn't have been so hard to be ignored by the one I loved all so secretly. It shouldn't have been so hard to be rejected after being held just for a minute, it just shouldn't hurt so hard to be me. But in those moments, I felt soulless, like she had taken something from me, something she wouldn't give back but would keep prisoner instead. I would have liked to love me enough to go past that, whatever is was, that was holding her back. I just wanted to curl up against her body, just for one night, I wanted her close. Glancing at her every now and then, all I'd see was the reflection of her shadow. She wasn't the woman I had fallen in love with, she was different. I just wished she'd open her eyes to see me, and not right through me. Sighing, I looked down on my book that day, not even hoping she'd take a look at my face, I knew she wouldn't. I was getting used to it, although it still hurt just as much.

"I have been planning on telling you something guys, and today's the day." She started, catching my attention. Looking up, I focused on her expression which seemed to be beyond excitement. What could it be about?

"As you all know Christmas is coming and so Mr.Pepper and I have been planning a surprise for you all. We're going to visit London. We chose this moment of the year for the lights and the vibes that this town could provide you. Also it's gonna be quite magical and I wanted to share this with this class in particular." I couldn't help but smile as sparks invaded her beautiful eyes.

She was clearly overjoyed over this trip, and so was I. However, having to spend this magical moment away from her just teared my heart apart, I knew she's push me away eventually, that she wouldn't stay near me whatsoever.

"We decided to cut the class in two, one group will have to stay with me, and the other group will be with him."

Of course, it was the perfect way for her to not have me near her. Sighing, I stopped listening, drawing on my notebook as she called out the people who'd be with her. Everything was a blur until I heard it, my name, it had sounded almost like a murmure, as though she didn't want me to hear it, but I did, quite clearly, and it had shocked me. She wanted me to be in her group? After everything that had been going on between us two? Maybe it was her way to apologize, maybe by choosing me she was letting me in in a way. I couldn't help but beam, smiling hugely as my eyes caught hers. She must have caught my happiness yet she didn't smile, nor said anything. She just turned around and started writing something on the blackboard. I knew she was fighting her own feelings, I knew they were still there somewhere hiding within her. And I wished she could just let go, for once. Like that one time she held my cheek, her breath
against my lips. I couldn't stop remembering this intimate moment. It had been the most perfect moment of my entire life. But I had a feeling London would be better, way better.

She explained how we would stay for a week, staying at a hotel in town near Picadilly Circus. It would truly be amazing, I couldn't wait to go there with her. Especially with her. London was famous for its romantic vibes, and so I planned on spending each moment with her. The bell rang eventually, allowing her to leave. I knew she didn't want me to stay behind, so I didn't. I just glanced at her one last time and hoped that London would unite us again.