Dancing In The Dark

Chapter 1: How can I, when I'm sure I'm failing Maths?

Four months later, December 1st

It has been four months since my brother's graduation and the party where I met Ryan for the first time after he got back. In these four months, there has been hardly any communication between any of them and me. Pretty cliché isn't it?

My brother and Sam left after a week of the party for an early start at The Oxford University in England, where Sam is majoring in English whereas my brother is majoring in mass communication. Rick was starting at Bradford University, so he had nowhere to go. But I don't know why he didn't keep in contact with me when he could have done that so easily. I thought it would be like it was earlier when he was a senior, which I would meet him once in every while, but I guess I thought wrong. Rick was almost always like a second brother to me, so it would be suffice to say that this did grief me. As for Ryan, he started as a freshman in our High School. Now the ironic thing is that his high school is only a building away from my middle school building, because we both attend the same chain of school. I hadn't expected him to be my friend, sure but I did expect him to be my enemy, judging from his attitude in the party, but I guess it wasn't it.

So here I was during the end of school, in the first day of the last month of year, hoping desperately for the term to end with my three best-well, only friends-due to my lack of social skills.

"How many days to go before the holidays?" Susannah whined at us.

She was a redhead with a fair skin tone, contrasting with her hair. This lead boys falling head-over-heels for her, but she could care less. She is one of those strong girls who listens to no bullshit and gets to work. She is more popular than any one of us, but she likes to stick with us because, "having three best friends is better than having hundred false friends."

"Always with the holidays. Enjoy the school, girl."

This came from the straight-A student, Violet. She is a sweet person, always there to cheer you up no matter what. She is that one person who you can trust with any secret in the world and you can be sure that she won't tell anyone. But no, she is not a nerd. She is like anyone of us just normal. She just loves studying and works hard during exams.

"How can I, when I'm sure I'm failing math?" Rachel is the math procrastinator. She is a quiet girl during school but a music geek by night. Ask her any question regarding music, you are sure to get the correct answer. But another thing about her is that she hates math with an unnatural passion. She would rather be hit by a car than do math exam.

I just stood there like I normally do with my mouth shut. They never force me to talk unless I want to. All three of them know that I have glossophobia and how difficult it is for me to share my thoughts with other, to talk to others. I am never able to contribute a lot to a conversation because I tend to over-analyze each and every word I speak, and then I think that if I say that, I will look like an idiot-when deep down I know I will not-and other people will be judge me as a bad person, which I'm really afraid of.

Of course it's not with everyone neither is it with every conversation. There are some people who I can talk freely with, there are a lot of them actually, there are my three best friends, my brother, Rick and a lot more. I can talk freely with them, but that doesn't mean every conversation. There are some conversations which I just can't contribute in, this being one. The only cure to this, at least for me, is dancing. When I dance, I don't care about it. I don't have glossophobia when I am dancing. I don't care what people are saying, and what they think, when I'm dancing.