PhD Candidate Faustus

11: think thou on hell

Mephistopheles

"I suppose you're wondering why I brought you here today."
"Because the kid is a thief," Coach says, lighting a cigarette and glaring at me. I glare back. It's a fine Monday morning, and we're in Dean Alleyn's office and I'm blessedly missing Chemistry.
"Because you were chasing the student down the main hall and wrestling him for a pack of cigarettes, do you know what is wrong with that?" Dean Alleyn asks.
"You stopped me before I got my property back?" Coach asks, really slowly like he thinks it's the correct answer. He's currently trying to take the pack of cigarettes back from me as I hold them behind my back.
"NEITHER ONE OF YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SMOKE!" Dean Alleyn growls, slamming his fists down on the desk.
"Oh, I don't smoke," Coach says, exhaling smoke as he holds his cigarette in one hand.
"You're are currently smoking! Ah, yes, thank you Father Thomas—," Dean Alleyn nods as the Father walks in behind us and tries to walk out, "You're responsible for both of them."
"What did they do?" Father Thomas asks, I don't know who he's more suspicious of me or his fellow house father. I think it's the second one.
"Our student, Lightborn, keeps stealing cigarettes that your fellow house father is not even intended to have on campus," Dean Alleyn growls, "This is becoming an issue and interfering with the student's education. Therefore, I have decided that both of them are going to stop smoking."
"Now let's not get drastic—," Coach raises his hands.
"Yes, we can share just fine we'll stop fighting," I say, holding up the pack as peace offering.
"Yes, have you considered other options than this—,"
"Like shooting us?"
"Yeah, you could shoot us in the head that would be less painful—,"
"Shut up, both of you. It's clear that Lightborn is addicted to cigarettes and if he's going to keep obtaining them from our staff then our staff will not have them either. Father Thomas, I am charging you with administering anti-smoking aids to both of them, and removing any cigarettes they may have," Dean Alleyn says, snatching the pack from me and the lit cigarette from Coach's mouth.
"Yes, sir," Father Thomas says with all the enthusiasm of a man on death row.
"Now, Lightborn, get to class. Gentlemen, you are going to search Lightborn's room and make sure he's not hiding any cigarettes."
"I'll do that," Coach says, immediately.
I glare at him. Naturally there's a stash of his cigarettes in there.
"Go on to class, Jay," Father Thomas says, "At noon when I know for a fact you hide outside the sports complex to smoke you can come by my office and I will give you a nicotine patch."
I nod, resisting a glare. So my one creature comfort is being removed. I don't smoke that much. Honestly, the side stream smoke from Coach got me through some days. Now what? I'm already failing two of my classes and I know I'm going to bomb my math test this afternoon. Could this day get any worse?

Faustus

"I left one of my experiments going in the room. If you hear a loud bang then it didn't work out properly," I tell Helen, as we sit at our usual study table in the hall, opening my books.
"Like, how loud a bang?" Helen asks, as she sits down next to me.
"Actually you may not hear it. It may blow out our ear drums, it's fine, no one is in the dorms at this time," I shrug.
"Is he kidding?" Robin asks, frowning.
"He's not," Helen and Wagner say.
"Hey, where's Mephisto?" I ask, looking around.
"I don't want to talk about anything," the demon says, slumping at the end of the table, several stickers on his face.
"Are those nicotine patches?" Helen starts laughing.
"It's not funny," he says, flipping her off.
"What, Dean Alleyn finally caught you smoking?" Wagner asks.
"What part of 'I don't want to talk' was so confusing to everyone ever?" Mephisto snarls.
"He's fine," Helen pats his back. He swats at her.
"He looks happy," I say, "Time to move on. You all have a chemistry final next week, then it's the holiday—,"
"Yeah, I'm gonna fail it just like I'm going to fail my math test this afternoon because I'm fucking stupid," Mephisto growls.
"I really don't see why you care this is better than hell," I say.
"Such a fucking low bar, Fausty my dude."
"And anyway part of the school might blow up before then," I point out.
They all look at me.
"It might," I shrug.
"Because of you—wait what were you doing with your chemical things this morning?" Mephisto asks.
"I mean, you'll find out," I mutter, just as the fire alarms go off.
"THIS IS NOT A DRILL PLEASE PROCEED TO THE NEAREST EXIT AND RALLY AT THE EVACUATION POINT WHICH IS THE PARKING LOTS. DO NOT HIDE. DO NOT RUN AWAY. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RETURN TO YOUR DORMS," comes over the loudspeakers.
"Is there—any way—this isn't your fault?" Helen asks me.
"None whatsoever. I'm going to go it must've started smoking," I say, standing up, "Phist?"
"Yeah, let's get to it," he says, standing up and stretching.
"Do you want help?" Helen asks.
"No, go ahead to the parking lot, we'll be fine," I say.
"You know we could actually be walking into a fire. There's like, a rogue 1% chance this isn't actually our fault," Mephisto says, as we walk past the fleeing students towards the south exit which takes us to Dover house.
"Yes, I know but I don't like those odds. It's more than likely coming from our room," I say, lightly, "We'll join them in the parking lot in a bit. Hopefully no one notices we're gone."
"I'm sure they won't. It's chaos."