The Hardest Sorry

Chapter 2

"Engagement proposal" I was bombarded by what I have heard. It can't be.

"No." I uttered and everyone became silent.

"I don't want to get married mama, I wanted to pursue med school and be a doctor not a housewife." puno ng sama ng loob na sabi ko. What do they think they are doing? I am not young yes but my status will never be an issue

I wanted to marry a man that I think accpets the world I wanted to enter hindi ang ipinagkanulo lng nila dahil tingin nila bagay kami.

"Anak, listen this is for you. You're not getting any younger, besides we are not getting younger too." I bite my lower lip and look at Kimly na nakayuko lng sa gilid.

Nilapitan ko siya at hinawakan sa kwelyo, everyone was shocked in my actions.

"KZEAH!" my father in a warning voice.

"Did you plan this? why don't you grab other women out there to warm your bed? Cause I might stab you with a sharp scalpel." my mother pull me away from Kimly, he just smirked at me.

"Mom my civil status won't be important and not an issue to me kahit tumatanda na ako. I can take care to the both of you." Napahilamos ako at tumingin kay mama na nakatingin lng sa akin. Nakabalik na kami sa cabin ko at doon nag usap sa ginawa kung pagdaklot kay Kimly.

"We want someone to take care of you, Kzeah. Your papa has a brain tumor and his kidneys are crashing because of the treatment he had been undergoing..." I made her stop

"what? mama?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sa kanya. She started to sob and give me a brown envelope, its a lab result.

My father has an underlying condition and I haven't know that he's suffering  already. All I was just thinking is to pass my nursing licensure exam and to become a doctor. I didn't even pay attention to what they feel.

"Ma, kailan pa? bakit hindi niyo sinabi?" naluluha kung tanong sa kanya, naluluha na din siya. Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang kanyang mga kamay.

"2nd year college ka, the doctor said that something has clog in his brain but it can be treated dahil baka namagan ugat dahil sa stress, but he shows symptoms that the doctors said that he has a brain tumor." natulala ako sa paliwanag ni mama, matagal na palang tinitiis ni papa ang karamdaman niya.

"why you didn't tell me ma?" she caress my face and wipe my tears.

"You were so fragile and we wanted the best for you. We don't want to be a burden to you.."

"mama!" di ko napigilang isigaw.
"You both are not a burden to me, you're my parents you send me to school, give a future that I never expect I can do. Ma you took care of me and papa. Oras na rin siguro para ako naman ang mag alaga sa inyo ni papa."  paliwanag ko sa kanya at di napigilang humagulgol.

"Anak you don't need to repay what we have gave and done for you. Parents responsibility is to give the best we can for the goodness of our children. " she caress my face and wipe my tears that keep on streaming. I can see the fragile and lonely version of my mother. She's the most independent woman I have ever know, she fear nothing its just the love of her life is at stake.

"I won't pursue my med career and entering med school ma, I will take care of papa..."

"Kzeah, please anak don't give up your dream just because of this situation. your already near to what you realy wanted to be."umiling ako sa kanya at tumayo sa harap niya, she's very determined to what decision she made.
But I don't want to be useless, I don't want to waste any time just be with my sick father, I wanted to give justice to the four year course I have sacrifice.

"Mama, nurse ako. Walang kwentang suffix ang nakadugtong sa pangalan ko kung mismong papa ko di ko maalagaan at matulungan. If you really wanted me to be a doctor it can wait but papa couldn't." she can't utter a single word, she keeps on sobbing.

She fell asleep in my bed, I didn't bother to wake her up just to go back to their cabin. Instead I go out of the cabin and went to their cabin to check on papa. Hindi naman malayo ang cabin nila kaya nakarating agad ako at papasok na sana ng marinig ko ang nagtatawanan.

"You are such a good and fine man, Kimly. I don't really doubt when my wife and your mother decided to make an engagement between you and my daughter." he stop and drink a glass of his whiskey. Parang wala lng tumor sa utak kung lumagok. I listen to their conversation, the other man is just silent and chuckle every time papa tells story about my embarrassments back in my childhood.

"I know my daugther will be in good hands. She wanted to be a doctor too." he stop, I hear him sob. " But I think I can't see him wearing the lab gown she really wanted to wear ever since, holding the stethoscope she wanted to hold and use to hear a human's heart beating rapidly or slowly."

"Tito, have faith I know you can maabutan mo pa kaming magka anak." I frown, instead of listening to their man to man talk I sit on the big rock formation and look at the sky.

I always remember back when I was kid, kapag may trabaho si mama at malelate ng uwi sinasamahan ako ni papa sa loob ng tent ko sa terrace at sabay naming panonoorin ang mga bitwin at minsan ang eroplanong dumadaan.

Together we connect every constellations and guess the color of the stars. But when I was sent to an all girls montessori and continuing college my father is suffering. Hindi ko manlang napansin, I nottice other people's complication and symptoms but...

"Kzeah..."

"You knew right?" a long silence envelope us, just the sound of the wind and waves .

"Yes... I'm his doctor.."

"Then do everything to help and save him." humarap ako sa kanya at sinuri ang kabuuan niya. Matangkad siya at brusko. Maputi at maitsura. Hindi lugi kung saka sakali.

"I will do everything I can do..."

"You did really plan this? why?" I ask him. I pierce him with my eyes but he seems not to be intimidated. He just smile a bit.

"I have a relationship with a girl that I've been for three years, do you think I will marry you with my own will if I have woman?" my breathing hitched after hearing what he had said. So our parents really wanted this. Neither of us wanted this engagement.

"I will tell my parents o break the engagement. I don't want to cause problem..."

"Do that, or your father will lost is life with no contentment. No assurancfor his only daugther." I stop and look at him with my questioning look.

"My father is not dying!" I exclaimed.

"Yes he is, but this is what he want if ever something bad will happen. He didn't want you to be left alone. I wanted to say no but I have a debt needed to pay. For excuse me I badly want to sleep now. Good night" he left me and I don't know if what emotion should I portray. Will I be happy that my father is concerned to me or be sad because I was stuck.

I enter his room and found him sleeping peacefully. Parang wala lng sakit kung titingnan but deep inside, pain is consuming him.

"Papa, be alive. don't leave me." I said and lye beside him.