Don't Let Go Of Me

Chapter 20

8 p.m.

He blinked.

4 a.m.

He blinked and it started again.
Why was time slipping so fast? Running through the cracks and leaving him in a constant state of falling without ever hitting the ground.

He was laying in his bed under thick blankets, still shivering from the everlasting coldness inside him. It had manifested itself there and refused to leave, leaving the fragile boy with cold hands and feet.

Drowsiness clouded his mind, not really being able to tell if he was awake or not. Was this still a dream after all?

A greasy strand of hair loosened itself out of his careless up-do and shielded his field of view. When was the last time he had showered again? When had it truly been?

He felt disgusting.
He was disgusting.

That lingering feeling in the back of his head. The feeling of disgust with himself.

A shower was really needed at this point, but what was he supposed to do if alone the thought of it send a wave of panic through him.

How pityful.

The handle of his door felt cold under his fingertips. Of course it was cold, what was he even thinking.

Muffled voices could be heard from the kitchen downstairs, as he finally summoned the courage to leave his room. His safe space.

Not even two steps away from his door tho, a sudden something froze his movement. His heart was racing, promised to jump right out his chest at any minute.

He must have misheard. It had to be a mistake. This couldn't be it.

"You are aware that I adore George the same way I adore you right? Are you OK with that?"

"I am fine with it, If you are fine with me adoring you in the same way I adore George."

Adoration.

He wasn't meant to be adored. He was a nothing compared to then. How could he ever be even worth considering being adored.

Both of them had so much history. Both of them knew each other inside and out.

What could he give?

Nothing. He couldn't even keep up with his own basic hygienic routine. How did they even dare think that way about him.

"Boyfriends hm?"

George had sat down in the hallway, just quietly listen in to their conversation and mentally preparing to tear the plan to shreds.

It was worth the effort.
He wasn't worth the effort.

He must have promptly fallen asleep, as the next thing he realized was someone calling out for him over and over again.

"George? What are you doing here sitting on the ground?"

It looked sad to say the least.
This fragile figure curled in on itself, lent against the wall just resting.

Dream and sapnap had finished the dishes that dream started and had originally planned to watch a movie. Neither of them had thought of meeting George like this.

The brunette had started locking himself off, staying inside his room and not even talking to them in a good while.

"What are you doing out here?"

Sapnap had squatted down next to the him and was about to touch his shoulder as George slapped it away.

"I reek, don't touch me. I was about to shower. Must have fallen asleep.."

It was bitter to admit that he neither had the energy to wash up, nor even stand up properly. How was going to go through with what he planned?

"Ah, well.."

Dream looked like he was concentrating on a thought, focusing as to not loose track of where his thoughts went.

"Imma run a bath for you. I know you're more of a shower guy but I think you need to properly warm up, you're shivering George."

When did he start shivering? He hadn't even realized it.

"Let us take care of you just this once. We know you try to do everything on your own but sometimes you need to ask for help."

What were they even saying?

"Come on up George. Let's get you to the bathroom."

An arm was extended to him and to his own surprise he took it. He took it and let dream pull him towards the bathroom at the end of the hallway.

What was going on?

His hand felt so warm. It was almost burning in the best way. And there it was.

That goddamn smile.

That smile that always melted his sorrows away. He had long forgotten how good it felt to be around them. To hear their voice and to just be present. To be present in the present.

And there was sapnap with his soft hum and deep honey eyes just watching him like he was the most treasured being to walk this earth.

It was overwhelming.

This flood of feelings. It felt like a storm. A storm that was sweeping him off his feet, keeping him afloat without ever reaching the ground.

He knew that feeling. But why couldn't he remember it this way? He couldn't remember it in any bad way suddenly. Had it always be this sugary sweet?

George was getting drunk of this feeling. This feeling of.. Yeah..
What was this feeling?

"Being cared for."

Dreams head turned from his place on the side of the bathtub and he chuckled softly.

Had he said it out loud?

"We care for you George. We both do. We want to have a little place in your heart. We want you to let us in."

This was going so damn fast.

"But now is not a time we expect an answer from you. Take off your clothes and hop in."

Nervousness settled in.
Weren't they going to leave?

Tugging the sleeves of his sweater further over his hand, the brown haired man just awkwardly shuffled from one foot to the other.

He could ask them to leave.
He could.

But did he want them to leave?

Did he really want that separation to return? This feeling of ever drowning loneliness to overtake him once again?

"George. Do you want us to leave?"

"..no."

"Do you want us to bring you swim boxers and a shirt?"

A simple nod was enough to get dream into motion, leaving to grab the items promised to George.

"Are you OK with being touched?"

It was a sincere question, so full of carefulness and comfort.

"I am.. If.. If it changes I will tell."

He was getting brave. Yeah, he could do this. He could be in their company.

"Then let me just do this..."

Sapnap held Georges hand as If it was an expensive diamond. So soft and with care.

"If you feel insecure because of this, you don't have to be. I know there is nothing you can do to stop it, but I will keep telling you. You are worth being adored."

His lips felt so soft against the scarred skin of his wrist, each kiss taking him a step closer to falling.

No more floating. He would fall. Fall and hit the ground hard. But it would be for them. He would fall for them.

"You are you. And you are worth being adored."

And like that it was over.
He hit the ground.

The man like honey loved the men like wind and fire.