Summer.
A wonderful season? Not fully, it's too hot for everything yet not for us. After a 10 year break and wrestling with our problems we've came back to make our name the hotter sense than summer itself, that was the plan at first. Yet like everything a plan can go South if the steps aren't followed.
"Will you marry me?" It ringed in me back this one question it was such sudden. Yes we've spent years in each other's company and cleared our and others problems yet this sudden proposal after our first actual date? I couldn't process it, the words still tingled my spine down as Richard searched with his eyes after the answer more and more I watch his small confidence break into crumbs of bread as the while I tried to form a - "YES" it came of the sudden with no breath nor even a single thought finished I just couldn't realize to hear the same man who broke in every marriage down to propose.. Especially to me, even Richard was in the processing lost of the sudden answer yet his emotion showed over how filled with brim and happiness he was, spewing out with a grin bigger than I've ever seen it as his crow feet showed them self's, jumping at my front into my hold until we bummed into the floor, with thick tears and a loving smile he hold onto me while I couldn't gradp it what-What if it was just a dream? A fabrication? We'd wake up again in the cold berlin with no sign of anything the same spiral meeting our unspoken love. And yet I was there in his hold while Richard slowly began to realise my unhinged reaction "p-paulchen?" He asked blinking the mess of tears and eyeliner away as I couldn't but just be lost not in his embrace nor those soft green eyes searching for my excitement but just being lost in everything, the hold, the moment yet even my thoughts it felt as if that wasn't what it should be but why? I should be happy, I should be happy well be married.. Happy yes happy, playing as one soul into a bigger piece and yet there I laid spread legs and in front the man I ran after, year after year. Night for night comforting him from his broken marriages nor even the broken trips from bar to bar and yet I asked myself if this was my place many times he married woman after woman, more beautiful than the other and now here I am "i-i do you love me?" I whsipered nearly in audible as I gripped firmly myself onto the other man trying to find the hint of it being just a dream was I running to far after him so far that now I couldn't grasp how wanted us to be together? No that couldn't be "paulie?" It ringed in me like a bell calling for me at the front I shook my head giving a stuttering laugh "i-i..do, I do" I stumbled it between choking breaths it came nearly pressing out of my lips like a question "I couldn't be happier... I love you" yes you couldn't be happier, and yet you choose every time another woman one after the other letting me watch as you marry her.. Bringing in a new niece or nephew as family member of the band "I" I couldn't it got stuck in front of my teeth I didn't knew if he loved me to the fullest but he would.. Of course he would how else would he say it that purely right? Right?! He never would lie, i was sucking it up like a sponge dries of the last prices of water while Richard fiddled with the small box containing our rings each a black and red besides a silver and golden one "they're beautiful" I gasped as the cold metal met my ring finger it must be real I couldn't be a dream how else would I find it out? How oh how?, a kiss.
As Richard shakily tried to place his own onto his finger I gradped onto the black jacket the leather squeaking in angel howling as I wringed Richard to the floor pressing my with questions and bitter memories filled lips to his, the soft taste of cigarettes and the Mac and cheese filling my cheeks red, at first I felt the surprised movement of my partner which melted away as he tightly embraced me I didn't knee I edited to know and now i felt it that couldn't a new a dream, my lips searched as I lounged my tongue carefully into richards mothb first tasting and sooner searching for want was left of the doubt yet this doubt it didn't die down It kept itself in tact. I clinged onto Richard as if he was the only escape form the far times that I wished to deal away for ever it couldn't be anymore like it..
No everything but this, everything but this damned time. The shouting, screaming, every night to wish to wake up to everything but what we had going on. It wasn't a friendship it wasn't a brotherhood this was a sorting of unbottled feelings filtered into anger and frustration that the other wouldn't love you
Yet this wasn't it right? We weren't in 2001 no no this was 2019 yes right before our biggest tour. A hushing of questions came through my speeding mind as I saw Richard he seemed worried while rubbing my cheek asking if I'm ok "hey paulchen?... My love?" This softer uttering of words, I gasped wiping the tears away I didn't realize I began to dwell up, I quite did but as for richards voice this wasn't out of the rush of fulfillment that were getting married no this wasnt it "paulie, tell me is everything ok?" He held me closer to me the soft safe embrace as if I was a hurt puppy the while I just smiled tried to the least nod "y-yes". He helped me up as I took the secure hand leading me with the bouquet of sunflowers to the kitchen and to a seat at the kitchen isle.
We didn't talk much of it maybe I was just a bit under the lasting talk with caron. We had met her at our date I wished that the date wouldn't be tracing back to her... To the past even the least "hey love?" I heard the small uttering of Richard while he filled the two cocktail glasses with pineapple juice for us to later toast to our marriage "yes?" It took Richard a bit yet I never could fool him "is everything ok? You seem with your head in the clouds" he tried to joke his smile pearcing over to me "i- it's nothing I think it's just that I need to process us being married soon.. You know?" I could feel the glare from a mile a far his eyes just trying to sort trough me and find what's the matter and yet " I'm ok, please" I began to smile slowly moving up on to him as Richard tried to signal me he's preparing two drinks, I saw it and yet I just didn't wanted my thoughts to ruin this..i just wanted this to not end like a dream.
And I was assure it didn't the evening like I could only dream it, with a pinacolada we have wished the marriage a good start and so we finally could try to forget it all right?.
Right?
//authors note: why help if you read that far than I'm very happy to hear some thoughts of you, I try to write as best as I can and keep most the chapters long enough without any filler that be unnecessary :)
Tune in next time to see were the chaos goes from down there
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Everything Ive Ever Wanted.
Fanfictionwhat happened in LA stays in LA which isn't only a well known quote but also the reality of the two guitarists. with the tour upon starting and their relationship at the jigh but how long will the high start as the past creeps up yet again with a...
