Everything Ive Ever Wanted.

memories

We entered the main hall of the studio already spotting the other five guys seeming to discuss over the upcoming tour, with big steps we approached trying to act calm and not over excited to say it out and yet we were shining in the big news as if it could stream out of us "paul, richard!!" Till greeted us with a big bear hug that could nearly break someone in two, as we passed to each other greeting and saying the hello as we further glances between each other waiting for the sign and so with the final nod and big breath it was asked "you two seem to beam with excitment, what's the bright grining?" schneider curiously spoke up breaking the short layed silence "I well we .... We will be getting married" with the small hint of the each black/red and silver/gold rings it was revealed only for a short calm minute as a wave was about to rush in, as the eyes of the band widened yet this calm moment didn't last long with cheering and congratulations it got replaced quickly, between hugs and pats onto the shoulder i watched the small puddles from richards eyes form further as he couldn't break the gaze away from me mouthing something under the taken breath, with a skip of a beat I embraced my black haired lover smiling softly as grazing his cheek past the streams of tears "shhh it's ok" I whisper while feeling the others hand at my waist. No matter how full the room was I knew

He would calm the moment, no matter the crowd I knew with Richard I would always forget the surroundings only knowing that he was there... Only Richard

"I know..im such happy" he whispers back kissing my hand before tugging me in softly,

The night, a peaceful time. Sleeping and having someone near you, yes and yet I couldn't close an eye not even for the single hour before the alarm would go off. I couldn't put my finger on it, I was exhausted near desperation of sleep and yet there I was laying awake and with a more than full bladder a short huff escapes me as for the maybe fifth time that night I'd get up to pee, carefully placing a kiss onto my sleeping partner. The peaceful look on his face and the more than sleep wrestled looking hair-I took a breath before planting my feet onto the cold flooring I never learned from having any shoes or even socks near by but this was not on my mind just quickly to the bathroom and back to bed hoping for some sleep, I paced around feeling around the wall without touching the light switch and so finding my way around to the bathroom along the hallway "finally" I breathed in a pleasing tone closing the door quickly, it was getting more annoying by the hour by now I can trace the steps back without a light from the bathroom to the bedroom and I didn't knew if to be proud of it or not. The way to the sink had been the most exhausting sleep was written over my eyes, the deep eye bags and glossy eyes greeting me as I watched myself for a second in the mirror, a quick pace back to the well known scent and pleasure of the bed covers had me yawn out slipping into the warm embrace of my middly awake fiance "again?" He muttered into his pillow "hu?.. Oh I yes" I replied with half open eyes only for a soft kiss to greet me back "try to sleep some more" with this body near me it's never uneasy to succeed to sleep, the soft skin meeting with this soft and still muscular body. You could fall asleep on him and yet have the muscles to protect you...oh Richard.

A shrill beeping combined with richards singing filled the short comfort of the early morning hour while i tried to put out my alarm only to suceed in pulling myself of off the bed "paulchen.. Paulie... Baby?" A sleepy voice and a grabby hand searches after me only for me to raise my own from the ground and rather than having Richard pull me up from the floor up to the bed yet my sleepy mind decided to just high five my sleepy bear "can you stop singing?" I droopily laughed as Richard yawned to put out his own alarm as the main chorus of "in my tears" followed to wake me further up, I always liked the way Richard wrote those lyrics.. Everytime he wasn't there I'd play them as a way to know that he was still there, he still was there but why? He loved me yes.. Yes he did and yet "paulchen?" Richard poked his head from the bed edge making me grin in the small manner "didn't knew the sun came up" "no my love... The sun is laying beside our bed" Richard chosen the answer a bit too wise as I only curled up into the piece of blanket that followed my fall from the bed to cover my red face "no I wanna see" he followed me down sitting at my legs in his boxers while tangling our hands together "I wanna see this bashful face of yours... Sunshine" " could could you help me up" Richard smiles sleepily shaking his head as letting his ruffling and curling hair fall in front of his face and yet got up as seeing my face turn the lighter shade of green "ok yes" he quickly holds his hand up as I grabbed it before being swept off of my feet bridal style "I can walk" "it's ok I gotta practice" the mix of Nassau and bashfulness had me burry my face into the others chest. The soft hold and yet secure handling Richard had on me- it falling into place I got softly woken again up by a nude from Richard who sat me down at the couch laying me down in the caring way of a mother "stay here ok?" I nnodde as while Richard eandered off to the kitchen I could only wonder "second...hm nein third?" It's already since three days that I'd wake up like this, I couldn't even drink any coffee without asking how Richard made the coffee it always had a more bitter nearly rancid taste to it so I sadly skipped over any coffee only laying and looking how the sun stood high above the sky. The morning become a time I didn't enjoyed the most not with this feeling yet there was always Richard to make the feeling wash off placing a toast with a few strawberries on it in front of me by the side a tea the smell of peppermint filling the room "thank you" I hummed as taking a sip of off the tea while making a place for the love of my life "no need to thank you, you- you got any fever?" I pondered for second as Richard held his body temperature warm hand at my forehead, his calming near indulging eyes gazing to me with worry painted over them "no fever..ok good, so yesterday you already felt like this right?" "Yes" I tried to answer as taking the first bite off of the toast the sweet texture of the strawberry and the toasted bread playing into the early morning and yet it tasted off,I barely finished it "I'm hungry but not hungry for the toast" I mumbled tapping my fingers along the warm mug as Richard in confusion tried to puzzle onto it "maybe a stomachbug?" "Could be it.. I say when it lasts two week I'll go to" "the doctor?" I nodded god I hated the doctor visits, yes they were required from time to time but the waiting, the cold and white walls and clean stench it really was something I'd skip over it "guten appetit" I nudged to the toast pushing the plate to Richard as I got up to get some water to wash the texture from my mouth "i- danke but promise me you'll eat something too?" "I pinky promise.. I- I'm sorry that I didn't finish the toast, I know you meant it well and it's a sweet gesture but-" "no appetite?" I nodded softly as getting to try grab a glass yet. "Richard..."

"Hm? Yeah? " a muffled with toast and strawberry filled mouth answered, before smirking "you- you didn't put the glasses higher did you?" "Morning stretching" that God damn smirk, the crow feet caressed by the sun and crumbs of bread as I could only roll my eyes "thanks" I snappily answered as letting my lover eat his breakfast.

The early morning never wanting to experience it yet again, we didn't had any big things on plan. So Richard worked on needed Emigrate records as I- tried to clean the last bit of my studio.. I swear it was spotless when I put the cartons down well by now sorting through notes and journals left to right "eaten by paper.. Never thought it would happen like that" I mumbled as scratching my head over the piled and piles- with an hour gone to sorting I could take a break and look through them right? Yes!

Opening a random journal I mostly wrote as asked from my therapist to remember about everything and keep track of everything and so digging through the younger times.

/ authors note/

I've been very very inconsistent with uploading BUT I'm here again 😂 I'm really sorry and I try to put out some new chapters soon very very soon