minho has an eating disorder.
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"that's a bmi of 17.6", the woman announced, the worried look on her face couldn't conceal her obvious pride about minhos weight loss. "I mean, wow".
minho only shakily exhaled. his stomach twisted, he was lightheaded...
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Bulimia nervosa, commonly called bulimia, is a serious, potentially life-threatening eating disorder. People with bulimia may secretly binge — eating large amounts of food with a loss of control over the eating — and then purge, trying to get rid of the extra calories in an unhealthy way.
an eating disorder?
no way.
minho sighed wearily and laid the phone in his hand next to the toilet, his eyes were filled with water and stung as he got up to wash his hands, which were still covered in puke.
the water splashed on his hands and not shortly after over his face to wash the vomit off of it, too. while the cold water splashed over his face, minhos mind was unusually blank. something shifted, at least that's how it felt like.
this was his third time making himself throw up. but... this for sure wasn't an eating disorder. he was just like any other idol that wanted to be pretty, that wanted to be perfect. he was okay, he wasn't sick.
because idols weren't supposed to be sick.
he lifted his head and looked into the mirror in front of him once again. the comeback was tomorrow and he still fucked up, despite knowing he would be on stage very soon. he still ate all the bread that was left, two packages of ramen and a few chocolate bars. of course he needed to get rid of it, considering that he would stand in front of so many people so soon, right?
the familiar feeling started to creep up in him as he continued to stare at himself in the mirror. it wasn't sadness or anxiety this time, it was this constant uncomfortable feeling of being himself, of being in his own skin and having no way to change it, or get it out of it. it was the unbearable feeling of looking like that, with his chubby cheeks and his soft tummy.
as he finally stopped the water and turned around to leave the bathroom again, he felt his knees wobble a bit and quickly reached out to grab the door handle to steady himself. his fingers felt unusually cold, considering that it was midsummer. his feet were awfully cold too, but his forehead was sweaty, yet he was shivering.
minho slowly started to become tired. not quite literally sleepy, he just started to get exhausted from all this.
losing weight so quickly for the comeback was hard, trying to impress the trainer was hard, wanting to fit the standard was hard but the hardest thing was still, after all that effort, after all those nights he went to bed hungry, even after throwing up...
minho still didn't see a difference.
minho was so goddamn tired. he thrived for validation, but posting even more pictures of himself on instagram and reading all the comments wasn't enough. leaving bubble messages for his fans and getting so much love from them wasn't enough. or maybe it just wasn't right. his fans telling him that he had lost weight, that they were worried, might've felt validating for a few moments, but it was too hard to believe when he couldn't even see it himself. he just wanted someone who saw him everyday, someone who actually knew him, to tell him that he had lost weight.
