now it's 2021-2022
his loss has done so much effect on my life
i wanted to hurt myself
i've been zoning out so much
after everything i got so insecure and everything in my life started going wrong.
i'd stopped eating.
now, pale scars on my thighs.
i'm getting better now, I'm still in a lot of pain from everything, more than just the loss of my dad. I just miss everything about my old life.
I see my friends and their dad or i see a kid and their dad online and i get jealous because of how much i miss mine. He was my best friend and i never saw something like that coming. sometimes i just wanna disappear, i don't want to die, i just want pain to stop, i'm only 12.
i'm only 12.why is there so much pain and sorrow, why'd i have to experience so much already?
now pale scars on my thighs.
I never wanted to hurt myself, i was just left alone with my thoughts..i was bored
i promise i'm not insane, i'm clean, i'm getting better..
i have so many amazing friends that have helped me get through a lot, and a lot of friends that have made me want to go insane, but i know how to push them out now, now i only pay attention to the ones who care, and the ones who i love. There's so much pain all the time and it will never stop coming, but it will get better, it really will. Now i do a lot of art, read, and a bunch of sports and those things make me happy, now that doesn't mean i'm not still depressed.
A couple months ago i went to the doctor to get a slip because i missed so much school because of how scared i was, of everything.. i thought i was sick but i'd held so many feelings in that i got sick from it a lot, we only went to get a slip but while we were at it we found out that i have anxiety and depression, i'm not medicated, i don't know why i'm not, but i don't think i want to be medicated, i don't know how to explain it but i hope you understand. This isn't a story meant to make you feel bad for me, i just had to let a lot of pain out.
If you're reading this, and if you're going through anything like i am or generally going through anything, then i just want you to know it will be okay, don't leave, it will get better. If you want to commit to take the pain away then it'll just pass the pain onto your loved ones, don't.go. it'll be okay. i know this is just coming from a 12 year old girl who wrote a story on wattpad, but please, trust me?
