I remember everything about that day.. the day everything went blank.. all of my thoughts
"he will be okay he's alive they'll save him"
"i'm sure he's taking a nap"
"i love him so much he can't be dead"
"he didn't die"
"i cant believe what's happening"
"what will i do without him"
"i cant survive this"
"WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME"
" WHY OUT OF EVERYONE IN THE WORLD"
"WHAT DID HE DO?!"
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO"
i agree.. why DID it have to be me?
he was happy and healthy and all of a sudden he's going insane drowning in anxiety and depression, why out of everyone did i have to watch my dad fall apart for a month?!
It's not that i want it to happen to anyone else it's just why me? I miss my old life.. I miss my dad, the way everything used to be.. i miss playing games with him, his hugs.. I would do anything just to see him for 1 hour, just an hour with him, a chance to talk and eventually say goodbye. I hate imagining big moments with him.. When i get that acceptance letter from the college of my dreams, find the perfect person to fall in love with, if i ever have kids, walking down the aisle if i ever get married...there's just so much he will miss that won't be the same without him.. I just want to be in his arms again, i want my fathers love back, it was the most unexpected thing.. Why out of everyone did he have to go.. i remember screaming, screaming so much and crying, god there was so much screaming..i cried rivers and oceans that night and the next few days... now it's been a year and 7 months.. well exactly 606 days now.. everything is so unforgettable.i miss everything...i miss him
