Odd One Out

Chapter Thirty - His Snooping

"Thanks for dropping me off," I murmured.

Jackson gave me a quick glance before replying, "Of course."

"Your family seems... nice," I concluded finally.

"They're usually much nicer," He glanced at me again. I had no idea what he was thinking. I never knew what he was thinking. I couldn't read him anymore than I could a stranger. And that bothered me a lot.

"They were fine," I reassured him.

He clamped his lips together tightly but said nothing else. So I didn't even try. What was the point? Nothing I said ever helped. I couldn't even be honest with myself, much less with Jackson.

He parked in front of my apartment and I placed my hand on the handle, but before I could open the door, Jackson placed his hand on my knee. "Wait. I really need to apologize. I know you didn't get a warm welcome and you didn't deserve that. They mean well. They just don't always act on that impulse," He explained.

I stared at Jackson wondering what I could possibly say. I knew what I should say to improve this relationship. It's fine, Jackson. I'm sure they'll learn to love me. But the truth was that I was tired of having to pretend I was less Mabel-y than I was. It was exhausting to always have to second guess a natural impulse. So I looked at him and said, "You're right. They weren't very nice to me. But I don't care about that. I care about what you think of me."

What I wanted to ask him was if Jackson was also embarrassed by me. What if my lack of career ambition was not good enough for him? What if my outbursts weren't ever going to be understood by him? What if we weren't ever going to understand each other?

I had spent so much time wishing for this very moment. But now that I was here, I wasn't happy. And I wanted so badly to pinch myself out of feeling this way. This was someone that I seriously pined over for. And here he was. And he was kind and caring and a serious hunk. What was wrong with me?

I shook my head, opening my door. "Bye Jackson."

I walked to the lobby and towards my apartment feeling a strange confusion wash over me. I didn't know what I was doing.

I unlocked my door and collapsed onto my couch, smooshing my face into the pillow in frustration.

What did I need at the moment? That used to be Connie pep talks, but she was so distant lately.

Screw it. She couldn't hide from me forever. I always made sure of that. I pulled my phone out and dialled her number quickly.

"Hello?" Connie answered after the first ring.

"I feel like things have been off with us," I blurted.

"I know," She admitted. "But, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You're amazing and kind and thoughtful and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our friendship. You and Amanda come first for me, Mabel. I'm sorry."

"Sometimes I wish I had everything figured out like you do, Connie," I groaned in dissatisfaction.

She snorted and gave me a sigh of frustration. "Oh, Mabel."

"What?" I laughed.

"I don't have anything figured out. You're stuck in this world thinking that everyone is confident and sure of themselves and knows what they're doing constantly. It's usually never the case."

"Well, at least Amanda's got it all figured out," I reasoned.

Connie grunted, "What makes you think that? Because she struggles with the way she was brought up everyday. Everyday that you tell her that you love her, it's impossible for her to believe it because she never heard it from her parents. She's desperately searching for something she never had. And I'm even more messed up. We all have our crosses to bear."