Teach me to trust

18. Ugly truth

JD sits quietly for a few moments, and I sit here beside him, waiting patiently for him to be ready to talk. This is his story to tell, and I have no right to rush him into telling it.

"How much has Nate told you?" he asks and turns his head to look at me over his shoulder. He doesn't look angry at all as I worried he would be, just curious as to where he should start.

"He told me about how you felt when you left, that you blacked out and then when you woke up the next morning" I start, waiting to see if he wants to add anything, but he just nods, sighing heavily then sitting back.

"Yeah. I woke up in the morning and I felt really spaced out, then realised I was naked and having no idea how I got there. I just feel so fucking guilty" he shakes his head,

"This girl seemed really into me, then I wake up in the morning and she's just disappeared. If something good happened, why wouldn't she stick around to spend more time with me? I feel like I did something horrible to her and I can't get that thought out of my head" his voice breaks as he says this, and I can feel something pulling in my chest as I hear him.

"I tried to find her, I went to the bar every night after to see if she came in but she never did. I never even got her number. I just want a chance to apologise to her, beg on my fucking knees for her to forgive whatever horrible thing I did".

His fists are clenched on top of his legs, and I see now how angry he is at himself. It's not just self-pity or guilt that he feels but a hatred for himself is burning a slow fire inside of him.

"JD" I start, taking deep breath to prepare for the truth I need to give him. He turns his head to me, to show that he's listening.

"I need to say something to you, and I don't mean this to upset you but you need to hear it. Okay?" I say, and he nods at me.

"I don't think you did anything to her" I say, and he looks perplexed at my statement, opening his mouth to object when I put my hand up.

"I don't think it was you who did something horrible" I whisper, looking at his face for a reaction, and his confused look drops from his face, as what I'm trying to say to him swims around in his head.

"What-what do you mean? I- I don't understand" he says and I close my eyes as I try to muster up the courage to say such an awful thing to him.

"I need to say this because I care about you and I can't stand to see you hating yourself for this" I begin, and pray that he'll forgive me.

"You said you felt weird leaving the bar, right? You couldn't walk properly?" and he nods slowly.

"and you woke up in the morning with no recollection of how you got there?" and he nods again,

"and you were naked, alone with no memory of how that happened?" and his response is slower now. 

I think he's realising what I'm implying, and he looks at me, a vulnerable shade to his face that makes tears rise to my eyes.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you?" I ask. 

Please don't make me say it. 

He shakes his head slowly and I take a deep breath. 

"JD. I think this girl took advantage of you. All of those things you felt are common symptoms of being spiked" I say, putting my hand on his arm.

"There is a very real possibility here that this girl took you home to do something horrible and the reason she was nowhere to be seen is because of that" I finish, my tone soft as his eyes stay glued to me.