Clutching || Bucky Barnes

15

Apparently they were meeting the rest of them in Saxony. The drive was spent with the radio on, Basil singing along to the lyrics of every song he knew, which was a surprising amount. Sometimes, Sam would nod is head to the beat and Henry would mutter the lyrics, voice drowned out by Basil's singing. The atmosphere was surprisingly cheerful despite the subjects they had been talking about and the growing pressure of what they were going to do looming over them. They were going to steal a Shield jet, and their old team-mates would most likely be there to stop them. There was no way this was going to go well but they ignored that idea in favour of shouting the lyrics to Queen and Nirvana. 

Basil was drumming his hands on his thighs as the words "Hello, hello, hew low? Hello, hello, how low?" echoed through the car. His head moving up and down as the song built up, eyes closed. When the beat dropped, three heads began banging wildly. Henry's was enough to be enthusiastic but not wild enough to affect his driving. Sam was miming air guitar and Basil was throwing up his arms as much as he could in the small space. Even Steve was slowly nodding along. Bucky sitting still and absorbing the scene with wide, fascinated eyes. "With the lights out, it's less dangerous. Here we are now! Entertain us! I feel stupid and contagious! Here we are now! Entertain us!" 

Basil had always been able to hold a tune, though his voice was not one to wow you. He could sing, Bucky had known that. Hearing him sing brought back memories of cramped, damp cells. Hymns sung by hundreds of voices echoing through the basement. Screaming. A metal table. Then moving on to nights by a campfire, voice soft and show tunes drifting around. Sunlight and Basil singing cheerfully at him, teasing, melodramatic before being cut short by gunfire. Now, the song was horse. Nothing like the melodies Bucky remembered from his youth. Some part of his mind remembered hearing music change over the years. Catching it on car radios and from recordings during missions. The winter soldier didn't care about music but that didn't mean that the faint memory of them didn't stick in his mind. This song, was familiar in a way that he must have heard is distantly before. It was chaotic and the electric guitar was violent. The singer raspy and Basil matched it with a rawness that always was there when he sung. Bucky watched the green eyed man sway his head to the beat, utterly enraptured. 

The song came to an abrupt end and those green eyes flickered open and Basil grinned widely. The next song to come on was some repetitive pop beat that held no particular outstanding quality. Basil slumped back into Steve and Bucky and tilted his head back to the ceiling. "Still singing then Parrish?" Bucky spoke with a slight tilt to his lips. It carried an unexplainable fondness that he was still unsure off, but arose whenever he looked at the smaller super soldier. He remembered Basil, he remembered falling in love with him but it still didn't seem real yet, as if it had happened to a completely different person and he was watching the movie of it in his head. Yet some of it felt familiar at times, like now. 

Basil's eyes flicked open and he was fixed with piercing jade. A lazy grin spread across his face. "Of course Sarge. Though the music nowadays are very different to our youth. I like it. Rock and Metal is desperate and violent. I admit I have grown fond of those two genres. It's almost cathartic". 

"You should get a therapist", Sam stated from the front as the car turned into the Saxony airport. 

"You've told me that many times", Basil rolled his eyes. Steve snorted, obviously recalling a few of those times. 

"And yet you seem to get more and more fucked up each time I see you". 

"Will a therapist stop life from kicking me in the balls?" 

"No but they can help you with your trauma". 

"How can they help me with my trauma when there is no one who can relate to what vie been through?" Basil responded with the bland air of an argument being repeated. Sam might have responded when the song on the radio changed again. The car puling into an empty concrete car park and pulling into a empty space. "Wait! Leave this song on! It's one of my favourites!"Basil exclaimed as they began to get out of the car. He spilled out after Bucky, already singing to the lyrics and dancing along to the melody. Henry turned up the radio before getting out, leaving the door open for the song to echo loudly. No other cars were there yet so they took the time to lean against their vehicle and watch as Basil swayed. 

"When ever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I'm home again.

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again.

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I'm young again

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again". 

Basil turned round and grinned at them, eyes meeting blue as the chorus began to play. Then he turned his gaze to Steve. "Come on Stevie! Dance with me!" 

Steve huffed in a amusement but walked over to take Basil's hand. He pulled the younger man round and Basil laughed as he spun, shoes slick on the wet floor. Bucky leant agains the car and watched them. The chorus echoing tinnily from the car speakers. Basil met his eyes and the look was soft and unsure. 

"However far away, I will always love you.

However long I stay, I will always love you.

What ever words I say. I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I will always love you". 

Bucky let himself listen. The words struck a tune with him, and judging from the vulnerability in Basil's eyes every time they made eye contact while he was dancing, it was the same for him. The words were too true. The part of Bucky, the part that was still that man who fell from the train, still loved Basil and had probably never stopped. Basil still loved Bucky. He had said so himself. It was there in his eyes, in his actions and everything he did. He had stayed to look after Steve for Bucky. He had kept on fighting to be a hero for Bucky. He had brought Bucky back from Hydra and only recently had he been doing things more for himself. It was both a relief and a concern. (Basil was never to be trusted by himself. World War Two had proved that. The kid was a trouble magnet and a danger to society). 

If someone had told that scrappy kid from Brooklyn that one day a man would love him like that, he would have said you were lying and love like that was for fairytales. But Basil had never seemed real, too bright and too shining even with his flaws (and he had many. shit self-care for one and the ability to be intensely annoying till Bucky just wanted to strangle him). They were both so traumatised that there was the very present danger on his mind that they would cut each other in their broken edges. Things were too dangerous still. Although, when Bucky saw Basil smile at him, it gave him hope for a future where their edges would be softened enough and the danger would have died down enough for them to give this a second try. (They had never gotten their dance either).

unedited