"Savannah Rae!"
"Bakit po?" I answered and stared at her face, full of disappointment and anger.
"Bakit ka may 83 sa card mo?!" I frowned at what she said.
"Tinatanong kita bakit ka may 83 sa card mo?!" She repeats what she said. While holding my card on her right hand, as if the paper would be torn by the tightness of her grip on the paper.
"H-hindi kopo alam" I can feel my hands shaking and my knees is losing it's strength. Anytime I'll fell on the ground where I'm standing at.
"Wala kang kwenta! Pag-aaral nalang inaatupag mo hindi mopa magawa!" Those are the last word she said before she slam the door of my room and walked away.
*ting*
A message from my dad appeared on the screen of my phone.
[Dad: You're full of disappointment in this family, you could've just done better!]
I sat on the ground beside on my bed. Tears starting to fall. My lips begun to tremble.
I know to myself I do all my best, Ginawa ko lahat ng requirements, activities and I've also got perfect scores on my quizzes and test.
Honestly I don't give a fvck about my grades, 83 or even if i got line of 7 i don't care anymore. I just cared what will my parents think about me.
A disappointment.
A useless.
Memories starts to flasback on my head when all the tears run all over my face.
"Yayy ate Sab is with honor again!" My mom announced as our dad gets out from the kitchen with a cake on his hand.
"Great job ate Sab! Here's a cake to our princess!"
....
"Si Sab! Si Sab nalang lagi!" I heard my older sister shouted to my parents.
"A-ate..."
"Don't call me ate we're not sisters!" We're all shocked when my older sister lost her consciousness.
"What did you do?!" My mom shouted at my face.
"Hon! Call an ambulance!" She added. While I just stand there. I don't know what to do. I'm shaking because of nervousness.
What I have done?
...
"Dad I saw something-"
"Not now Sab." My Dad cut my words off.
"Hon! Saoirse can't breathe!" My mom shouted. They both run towards my ate's room.
After all the incidence.
They blamed me everything what happened to ate.
I blame myself.
If only I have the strength to speak that day.
A dark shadow is all over on my ate's body when I take a look at her. My dad wouldn't give me some of his time that's why I never had the chance to told him about what I saw on my sister's body.
"Sab..Sab I'm here" I heard my best friend voice so I look up to face him. His smile vanished all the bad memories on my head.
"Are you ok?" He asked. I just nodded. He offered me drink that he bought.
I act normal like nothing happened earlier. Gladly he came to visit me late otherwise he might have witnessed the incident earlier.
I also don't want to ruined my image to my friend, I don't know how he will react when he finds out how I can be a disappointment in the eyes of my parents. Ayokong pagkaawaan nya ako.
Calvin and I talked about stuffs, I can see on his face that he was so happy today. Calvin talks a lot, he talked about his day and so did I, except the conversation I had with my mom earlier.
"Are you still going to drive your car?" I asked him. He laughed and messed up my hair.
"Why are you so worried, Sab? Do you think I will die if I drive today? Do you see a shadow of death behind me?" That was
when I lost my smile and quickly glared at him.
"Vin, don't joke like that, it isn't funny" I widened my eyes.
Calvin is the only person I have. He understands me. He's always besides me. I loved my best friend more than I loved myself. I couldn't afford to lose him in my life. He was the only reason despite all of my suffering, I still tried to live.
"See you Sab!"
"Take care, Vin!" I said before I go inside of our house.
I slept early today because tomorrow we will practice for the stage march because we will be graduating senior high within 2 days.
*ring*
I woke up to the sound of my phone as if someone was calling there and there I am not mistaken. Calvin's mom is calling. It's already 2 am why would calvin's mom calling this late?
"What is it Mrs. Wesley?" I heard her sigh from the call, I suddenly felt nervousness.
"Sab si Calvin" After Mrs. Wesley said that an idea entered my mind. An idea that I knew to myslef I didn't want to hear.
No. no. no please no. T-that can't happen. I saw nothing. There's no any shadow behinds Calvin back earlier. That's imposible.
"Sab are you still there? Sab I'm very sorry but Calvin got to car accident" Tears fell on my face causing my vision to be blurred.
I sat on the floor hugging my knees while tears continued to flow down my face. I blame myself for what happened to my best friend. But why? why I saw no black shadow behind Calvin.
I am so stupid I could have been saved him. It's all my fault. It's too late, it's all my fault. The thing I was afraid of has happened.
"I'm so sorry, Vin. It's my fault" I whispered to myself.
I decided to stand upon a chair and hold the rope that I hang from the ceiling of my room. Without hesitation and fearlessly. I wrapped the rope around my neck. I cried as if there's no end. I close my eyes and said my last word.
"Let's be together, Vin. Just wait for me there." after that, I jumped out of the chair while tears welled in my eyes. For a few moments, I could not feel anything else everything went black and I knew nothing.
except that I knew I wanted to die.
