10 | Should I Be Selfish Or Not?

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There were good days and there were bad days.

It was different for me though. I had either bad days or worst days. It was the latter one today. I started my day with visiting the trainee manager. He was in a meeting when I arrived, and I sat in the reception room to wait for the man. Then I heard something. A conversation, which turned my life upside down.

"We've to choose only one of these girls. Fei or Hyun Jae." I looked around and there was no receptionist at the moment. The door was a bit ajar and I listened to the conversation.

"The girls will be 23-24 by the time of debute. We can risk one, but not both of them. Age matters when we're launching a girls group." The manager was saying.

"You might choose one right now then. We can let the other one go during this month evaluation." It was a lady's voice. She must be one of the higher ups. "Which one of the girls you want to be a rookie?"

"Li Fei Hong," the manager announced. "She's something else. Plus point, she's Chinese. We can have a strong fan base for the group in another country then. A strong one."

"Hyun Jae is a decent one too. Why not her?" Another man voice out.

"If Fei wasn't in the scene, I would have gone for Hyun Jae in a blink of an eye. She's a strong contender, but not upto Fei." The manager sighed. "It's about the option. And if I've to choose, I'll let Hyun Jae go."

I stood up and turned to leave the reception area, but got collided with someone. I looked up, and my heart sank. It was Junmyeon. He held my elbows to get me back my balance and then dragged me out of the room. He avoided my eyes and ran a hand through his hair. I felt his commotion. I was feeling the same.

Since we met, I and Hyun Jae always thought of debuting together. Never in my dreams, I had thought of ruining her dream for her. I couldn't do it. She was the one of the few who liked me. I wouldn't loose her to this petty competition. I refused to let it happen.

"Hyun Jae will understand," Junmyeon said. I stared at him. He was trying hard to be rational here, I could tell. "You're a good trainee, it's alright. Don't feel bad-"

"Do you mean it?" I asked.

He nodded. "I mean it. Hyun Jae is my friend and I met her first, but if it came down to you and her... you're better Fei." His eyes held honesty, but also trouble. We both won't admit it, but we had gotten close over the past year because of Hyun Jae and our constant meetings. He cared about me as much as I cared about him.

"Junmyeon." I looked at him and he met my gaze. "I won't debut. If it means loosing her, I won't. Also, I've other situations too." My family problems. "Even if it hadn't come down to this, I would have dropped out either way."

"No." He looked around and then at me. "If you dropped out because of this, I'll tell Hyun Jae. You both are friends. She'll feel bad if you sabotage yourself, Fei. I won't let you-"

"Do you not want her to debute?" I glared at him. I wanted to let out my anger about the situation, but seeing his face didn't do it. He was so upset at the moment. I related to him. The realisation that Hyun jae might not debute because of me... I couldn't describe it... I felt like throwing myself from the top floor and not survive in the God's personal hell for me.

"I want it." Junmyeon groaned as he covered his face with his hands. "I want it more than anything else. I told her I believed in her, that she would debute. I personally evaluated her performance and gave her the confidence she needed."

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