N/A , elliot euphoria

CHAPTER EIGHT

"why the fuck else"

THE PRESSURE OF existing is suffocating. people expect you to live the way you do, without any worries in mind, and call you selfish when you seek for relief in that suffering.

in Alaska's opinion, people who tell her to not to kill herself are the selfish ones. she, in fact, is not the one who forces herself to stay here, but the constant reminder that the people around you might never recover after her death.

"think of your parents, your friends, if you kill yourself, what will happen to them?"

what will happen to her if she DOESNT commit to the deed. she is in no position of reliance, so it wouldn't be her fault if they went through a downward spiral after her death. her only responsibility is her own happiness and joy, and she is currently not happy or joyous.

group therapy repeats the same mantra over and over again, that if you die, every superficial, materialistic thing you leave behind will burden those around you.

and its to the same group of suicidal maniacs.

some who had attempted the kiss of death several times already, and others- like her- who had just a taste of what's on the other side.

the ring leaders voice repeats the same round of questions they always do every weeks, "have any of you had any dark thoughts you like to tell us this week? anything to get it off your chest"

alaska expects no one to answer, like they do every weak, and since narcissistic Nancy isn't here this week, its complete silence.

true to her thoughts, no one replies and the leader takes it upon themselves to pick upon the poor sheeps of the group (i.e. her).

"alaska"

kill her now

"would you like to share a thought or two?" she's put on the spot, subconsciously brushing through unruly raven locks as eyes settle onto her. alaska is currently doped up with Molly, everything around her like a starry night paining.

great she's the centre of attention, its not that alaska hates all eyes on her. she's had that her whole life. but by fact that she knows that none of the supervisors will like anything that comes out of her mouth no matter what she says, what is the point of speaking?

so might as well make it good?

"hmm? me? well the oppuntinty hasn't presented itself to slit my wrists and bleed out yet" alaska exasperates sliding down on her foldable chair, some mimicking her movements as if she were their god and they ere her disciples.

"you know what a opportunist I am, Alex, don't you? or did you forget that one time where I tried to stab my eyes after seeing dreward's excuse of a vent painting"

awkward silence makes alaska revel in her comments and retorts. like she's the only person in the room.

the leader clears they're throat, alaska raising a delicate brow. "I think that's enough-"

alaska audibly scoffs, enough? she wasn't the one who chose to speak, and now they WANT her to shut up, how typical. as if her thoughts didn't matter the moment she said something with the slightest gore. can't they take a joke? or are they scared she's going to hang herslef right there and then if she says anymore.

like manifesting a thought, so she continues.

"what? just a minute ago you told me to share some thoughts and here I am, sharing thoughts, how pretentious are you" she rolls her eyes, "I mean, what if I don't say these thoughts right now, and I shoot my brains out with a shotgun? the motto is 'we all care'".